I’m sorry to all the people I hurt while I was hurt
By Yeabsira Taye from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia
Being diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) is an experience that is difficult to put into words. It is a moment that carries a mix of emotions, thoughts, and uncertainty. For me, it was a whirlwind of confusion, fear, relief, and hope all at once. It offered a sense of closure to that chapter of uncertainty.
During the difficult times of my flare-ups, I found myself longing for the support and understanding of my beloved ones. Perhaps what hurt the most was the way “some of them” invalidated my experiences. Whenever I tried to share my pain or express how I truly felt, they dismissed my feelings as mere exaggerations or attention-seeking behavior. It was devastating to have my emotions disregarded and to not have my pain acknowledged by those I held so dearly.
BUT of course I am very grateful for the love and support of the people who take care of me. They understand the challenges I face and go above and beyond to ensure that I am comfortable and well-cared for. Now, after I have faced three flare-ups within two years I understood that, it is important to acknowledge that everyone has their limits; chronic illnesses bring with us a multitude of physical, mental, and emotional challenges. It is not uncommon for loved ones to experience emotional detachment as they witness their beloved family member, husband/wife, fiancée or friend endure the hardships of a chronic illness. They may distance themselves emotionally to shield them from the pain of witnessing our struggle.
There are moments when the perception of distance from those we hold dear can lead us to inadvertently detach ourselves from them in an attempt to protect ourselves. It wasn't easy dealing with the physical and emotional pain that accompanied our condition, we may blame them for making our flare-ups even harder to handle.
As time went on, I realized that the mistreatment I endured from others was not a reflection of my worth or value. It was a poignant reminder that everyone faces battles of their own, and sometimes, their harsh words or actions are merely the projections of their own pain and insecurities. While navigating through my flare-up, I understood that forgiveness was essential. Forgiveness became a powerful tool in reclaiming my strength and power, transforming the negative energy into something positive.
Today, I am grateful for the difficult journey I endured during that time of flare-up. It allowed me to tap into my resilience, strength, and inner resources that I might have otherwise overlooked. It taught me the importance of self-reflection, self-compassion, personal growth, and forgiveness.
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