Just a list of things my people do to support me
By Tanisha Singh from India
I feel, as much as I have had to figure out how to live with a chronic illness, those who care about me have also had to figure out how help me live with it. And I don’t think I knew the depths of other’s empathy before, ‘til the time I was at the mercy of it. So, here is a simple, plain list of things that others have done that helped me. I feel that appreciating what is working can be an encouraging factor in raising awareness about the much needed structure of support that is needed to accommodate disabilities and/or living with a chronic illness.
My bestfriend, had come down from Canada to be with family and happen to fall sick because of the extreme weather conditions in India, while I myself was struggling with my illness. We are each other’s primary support structures and somehow we were both sick. He said to me a few days later, when he showed up at my house to help me with certain chores, as we carried bags of veggies which often resemble the weight of a mountain for me to carry, that he knew I needed him more and I lacked support, so he tried to recover to be able to do that for me.
My bestfriend, Moomal, sent me really expensive supplements from where she lives and each time she is traveling to India, she never forgets to ask me if I need anything from here.
Another one of my best friend’s, Parakh, I know is softer towards me, and works extra hard at trying to make me laugh, even more so than before, everytime we talk, and I know that it comes from a place of recognition and acknowledgment of the difficulty that comes with living with an illness.
They check up on me, encourage me relentlessly to put myself out there, to go live the way I want.
They read up about my illness. They inform themselves so as to better understand my life.
My friends walk slower and help me with my work, with my bags, and they try always to meet me at my house (as I prefer that more) without requiring me to go out that much or exert myself.
Even more importantly, they include me. I had lost most of my social circle after the illness because of my absences and my inability to be able to do the things I could do as an able bodied person before, however what remains is a small but valuable circle of friends who genuinely want to spend time with me, doing the things I am able to do.
Mohit and Moomal have both baked me cakes that I could eat.
My ex boyfriend, Devang would read books on new medical advances that could offer a ray of hope to me. He would stay up at night with me when I couldn’t sleep because of pain. He would be on a call with me while I was on my way to the doctor. He embraced the illness as part of our lives without making me feel different because of it. He once drove down to my house to cook for me, when I was very sick, in between his work.
Pulkit holds me when I am feeling dizzy, never lets me pick up my mammoth bag, and came to light up my empty house on Diwali.
Nidhi and Amna have asked me about experiences that made me feel seen in class. Once Nidhi asked me about my experiences with doctors, that let me burst into tears and offered a cathartic release I didn’t know I needed. Amna stopped another person in class from interrupting me when I really had to leave.
My peers Aditi, Janhavi, Niyati, Tejal, Kavya at my postings, have always covered for me when I am on sick leave.
My family to not bother me with worrisome familial affairs to try not to stress me out.
The institutions I have studied in have tried to accommodate my abilities, keeping in mind my illness.
Moomal and Mohit do this thing, where they try to get others in the places they have invited me to, to be sensitive towards me, like they are looking out for me and protecting me in the outside world.
I am grateful for how much support and kindness I have found that enables me to live my life as someone with a chronic illness.
Featured photo by Irina Iriser from Pexels