By Grady Stewart
There are times when I am a ball of yarn. I am tangled into forms that cannot be graphed even with the complex mathematical equation. I am twisted into abstract shapes that would make the jaws of even an Olympic gymnast or a world-renowned abstract painter drop agape. It feels like I’m being pulled in a thousand different directions by hundreds of invisible hands. I’m poked, pushed, and prodded by all of these competing forces. In the end though, I never end up going anywhere. It’s odd, because you’d think that eventually I’d be drawn in one direction with all of this energy behind me to move me forward, or sideways for that matter.
Instead, I’m like a magnet. I’m frozen in the static between positive and negative charges, unable to budge in either direction. While it’s exhausting to feel like there are too many demanding directions to chase after, it’s also frustrating to end up going nowhere. I think everyone has experienced a feeling similar to what I have described. Stress, and the feelings of anger, disappointment, and anxiety are universal. However, we all deal with stress in different ways. In fact, on an individual level, we often react differently to different stressful events. Procrastination is a common response to stress. In fact, it’s so common that “procrastination” has practically become its own emotional experience independent of stress.
It’s impossible to avoid stress, but when you live with IBD, it can be a major challenge to even minimize it. Living an everlasting and ongoing health issue naturally consumes a fraction of your energy on a daily basis. It’s like having dozens of Internet browser windows open with each of them on a different website. One of them is open to you email account, and another is open to Google Docs where you’re writing an important article about stress and IBD. In the background, a window is minimized, but always running, and always blaring Russian heavy metal. You try to jump between windows, trying to finish every task you set out to complete, but with the added background noise it becomes much more challenging.
Like that permanently minimized window, chronic illness is something that lurks in the background of life, but that can never be forgotten, closed, or removed. Moreover, in the age of social media, there is an infinite amount of voices constantly yelling at us to grab our attention. On top of that, while it’s easier than ever to connect with others, the competitive nature of social media and overflowing stream of content can feel oppressive.
I’m not saying that social media is bad, or that stress is entirely toxic. Stress can serve as a powerful alarm for danger, or as an indicator that tells us we need to change course. However, when you have IBD, it can be a trigger for a flare and lead to negative health consequences. As patients, it’s important to stop from time to time, and take note of how we’re feeling on a physical and mental level. The goal isn’t to stop stress entirely, and it’s not necessary to delete all of our social media accounts. Instead, the goal should be to adopt a healthier mindset towards our diseases and the factors that influence them - like stress.
It’s easier said than done. After all, we’re all imperfect, and just trying our best. At least, that’s what I’m trying to realize and to learn. Every day, it gets a little easier to understand that not everything is controllable, or even important. It gets easier to slow down, and to learn that not everything has to get done right away. It gets easier to realize that it’s okay to just breathe, and let things come and go as they will. After all, eventually we will all get to wherever we’re going, so why not enjoy the journey?