By Mara Shapiro from the United States
I go back and forth on the connotation that I associate with the word “quit”. I’ll be honest; I feel like I have “quit” a lot of things over the years due to my chronic illness. While the initial sting of having to quit an extracurricular activity or cancel plans at the last minute is always painful, I have learned some lessons that help me cope with this inevitable chronic illness experience.
First, I want to tell you a story of my most recent experience of “quitting” a commitment. Earlier this summer, when I had just moved back to Virginia, I signed up for an intensive 3-week learn-to-row class. I was looking for an activity that would be social, allow me to be on the water, and help me build back my physical fitness. This rowing class was 2 hours every evening, 4 days a week, for 3 weeks. Due to the nature of rowing and the fact that the boat only rows if it is full of competent rowers, it was very crucial that you attend every practice (or gave the coaches enough notice to find a substitute) or half the group wouldn’t be able to row. This was a situation with as much of a forced commitment as I’ve found myself in since I was diagnosed. Very quickly, this commitment, while fun and empowering, led to a lot of anxiety.
What if I had to go to the bathroom while we were out on the water? Too bad; there’s nowhere to go if you are a mile away from the dock…
What if I got tired and needed to take a break? Too bad; if you stop rowing in sync with the rest of the boat, you will tip everyone over…
What would happen if I couldn’t make a practice or two? People would be inconvenienced.
I found some ways to deal with the anxiety of those thoughts by trying to rest before practice and going to the bathroom before practice, but even when I tried to control as much as I could, I realized that a lot of my life because of my Crohn’s disease is unpredictable… and that’s okay! It became an exercise of how much I could accept the unpredictability in order to participate in this activity with my chronic illness; I also had to deal with a great deal of anxiety over the “what ifs”.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish the last week of the class due to a cellulitis infection and then a C. diff flare-up. I was really disappointed and it felt like I was “quitting” at first. However, I realized that even though I technically didn’t finish what I started, I still learned a lot through the experience.
I am so proud of myself for trying something new and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Even though it didn’t turn out as I had initially pictured, I still had a lot of fun. The fun I had while rowing is a type of thrill that I haven’t experienced since I stopped rock climbing competitively when I was 16. I had thought chronic illness robbed me of the ability to enjoy a new athletic sport, but this experience proved me wrong.
My advice to you is:
Don’t let your IBD hold you back from trying new things! Having some fear and apprehension when embarking on a new commitment, whether it’s athletic, social, academic, or professional, is normal, but I encourage you to persevere and step outside of your comfort zone anyway!
If you have to adjust your commitment once you start, that is totally okay and to be expected when trying something new! Don’t think of this as “quitting” as much as pivoting.
I’m excited to know what new things you have tried since your diagnosis or what this article has inspired you to try!