“Everyone poops.”

By Samantha Rzany

“Living with an invisible illness is hard. But every time I share my story, the illness becomes a little less invisible to those who take the time to listen.”

As Taro Gomi best said, “Everyone poops”. From a very young age, we became aware that, indeed, everyone does poop. But when I was little, I don’t think I could have imagined just how much I would poop…

I just passed my one year since being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. After a year and a half of countless doctor’s appointments with no real results, I finally had an answer. I had my first colonoscopy the day before finals during my first semester of my senior year of college. The prep was anything but fun, but I went into the procedure not expecting anything to come of it, as had happened so many times before. After the scope, the doctor came into the room. I remember being pretty out of it from the anesthesia. She spent all of five minutes in the room with us, throwing out words like “ulcers”, “irritated”, and “diagnosis”. She told me I had ulcerative colitis, that I needed to schedule a follow up appointment with my regular GI, and that she’d write a script for some suppositories and enemas. At the time, I had no idea what those even were. Little did I know how familiar I’d become with them.

I smiled and nodded, certain that it was a “drink some water, reduce stress, and take some of this medicine” kind of thing - like the gut version of “ice and Advil”. I left the hospital sure that it was another diagnosis thrown around when they’re not really sure what was wrong. Then people started asking how I felt about my new diagnosis. I didn’t know anything about ulcerative colitis. Doctors threw around different diagnoses for the last year and a half of testing, and none of it really meant much. I assumed this was the same.

After a quick Google search in the car ride back to my dorm, I realized that ulcerative colitis was no “quick fix” kind of disease. It was chronic. And there was no cure.

A few weeks later, I had my follow-up appointment with my regular GI. She discussed my treatment plan, explaining that for now I was going to be on topical treatments – the suppositories and enemas – but that there were more aggressive treatments out there. She mentioned steroids and immunosuppressant drugs. She said that she never expected me to even need immunosuppressant medications, so there was no need to do the blood tests required to see if they would be safe for me. I went home feeling much more at peace with the diagnosis – I mean I could handle a few suppositories and enemas twice a day, right?

Over the next two months, I started to get sicker and sicker. I could hardly eat without extreme pain and very frequent bathroom visits. I was eating rice for every meal, since it was all I could tolerate. I eventually started eating baby food too because it was easy on my stomach and gave me the nutrients I needed.

Two ER visits in a span of 3 weeks later, the ER doctor prescribed me Prednisone. We in the IBD community lovingly call this the “Devil’s TicTacs”. The doctor told me he didn’t expect me to be on it for more than two or three weeks – just long enough to treat my flare up. He said I may gain 5 pounds or so, but that they’d fall right back off.

“I eventually started eating baby food too because it was easy on my stomach and gave me the nutrients I needed.”

The next three months were some of the hardest in my life. I was so sick. I was in the ER every couple weeks to get fluids and nutrients that I couldn’t retain on my own. I was having bad side effects from the Prednisone, but it wasn’t making things any better. I was also trying to finish up my last semester of college. Only because of my incredibly understanding and accommodating professors was I able to graduate a year early at the end of April with a degree in Psychology and Leadership.

I switched to a GI through the University of Chicago back home. He said I needed to start receiving immunosuppressant infusions, since I had failed each of the previous medications. We had tried so many times to wean me off the Prednisone and supplement with other oral mediations, and nothing was working.

A few days before I was scheduled to receive my first infusion of Entyvio (the immunosuppressant I chose), I was getting very sick. I spent four days in the hospital receiving high dose IV steroids and lots of nutrients and fluids. I was discharged from the hospital and went straight to the infusion center.

Within 6 weeks, I could tell a huge difference in my health. I was actually getting better. After 5 months and 47 pounds later (guess the ER doc was a little off on that one), I was finally able to get off of Prednisone. In August, I was declared to be in remission.

Since then, I have continued to stay in remission. We increased my infusions to every 6 weeks and I still have symptoms sometimes, but I am so grateful to be doing well.

I have found so much support in the IBD community. Whether it be online support groups, working as the Pilot Director in Illinois for Health Advocacy Summit, having a team for the Crohn’s and Colitis Take Steps Walk, or participating in this fellowship, the amount of love and support I have received is unreal. People I have never even met are the ones I can talk to about any and everything. I have found strength and courage in sharing my story and in reading other’s stories. While all of this support doesn’t cure my IBD or relieve my symptoms, it certainly makes me not feel so alone. Living with an invisible illness is hard. But every time I share my story, the illness becomes a little less invisible to those who take the time to listen.

My IBD Life: Travelling with an Ostomy

By Nikhil Jayswal

Hi everyone!

I hope 2020 has been good for you so far. I am looking forward to a great year ahead. The month of January was packed with many happy moments. The happiest of them was the marriage of my younger brother which happened a few days ago. The wedding was more beautiful than I could’ve ever dreamed and I was overwhelmed with emotions. However, the wedding was also quite a challenge for me. It pushed me to do something I had always been afraid to do and that is what I have decided to share with you in this post.

I have Crohn’s Disease, which unfortunately didn’t respond to any drug. Hence I was given an ileostomy. My stoma saved me, but it did bring with itself a different set of problems to be managed. Travel is one such problem. My stoma is a high-output stoma. I empty my ostomy bag when it is near 90-100% full, which usually happens every 4-5 hours. This poses a problem for me when travelling for more than 2-3 hours.

There are several issues here. I could empty my bag in a public toilet, but there are not many clean public toilets in India. Additionally, people with IBD and/or an ostomy are NOT recognised as disabled. We cannot use accessible toilets which are often much cleaner. Then there’s the taboo associated with poo and the disease and the ostomy bag. Then there’s my slight OCD. :P Because of all these reasons, I’ve never emptied my bag in a public toilet. It has always been my home or a hotel room. When I have to travel, I starve myself for a whole day in advance. It empties my stomach and I travel without worry. It works well for me if the duration of travel is less than 6 hours.

It was a 2-day wedding with a 14 hour long trip to and from the wedding destination. This meant that if I wanted to avoid emptying my pouch on the road, I would have to eat only twice within 5 days. I had never done such a thing before. Doing routine tasks on an empty stomach is very difficult with an ileostomy. This was a wedding! I also had to take care of everything from the groom’s side, which meant that I wouldn't get much sleep or rest. This wedding was going to test my endurance to the limits which made me very anxious.

Somehow, I managed to do it all for three days. But on the fourth day, I ate more than I was supposed to. I was feeling so hungry that I couldn’t stop once I started eating. Also, this was very spicy food which is a big no-no for me. It is a major flare trigger and makes my stoma go nuts. I emptied my pouch before I boarded the bus back home. After 5 hours, my bag was half full. In the next 3 hours, it was 80% full. I was nervous and trying to decide if I could hold out for 6 more hours. After an hour, my bag was full. I knew if I didn’t empty it, a leak would happen. That would make things much much worse for me. So I had to do what I had never done before.

The bus stopped near a restaurant for a short break. I took some wipes, garbage bags, gloves and a fresh pouch with me, and asked my Mom to accompany me. This was the first time I was doing anything like this. I wanted someone to be there to help me in case something went wrong. I tucked a garbage bag in my pants below my stoma and wore gloves. My hands were shaking. After a deep breath, I removed my pouch carefully from the two-piece ostomy system on my stomach and let it fall into the bag. I prayed for my stoma to stay silent for the next 2 minutes. Fortunately, it did. I quickly attached a new pouch and breathed a sigh of relief. I bagged my old pouch twice and then disposed of it. I then had a small meal. My stoma didn’t produce much output for the next 6 hours and by the time I was home, it was only half full. I slept that night with a full stomach which felt very peaceful after the long trip.

I had never done such a thing before, and I probably won’t do it again unless it’s an emergency or a long duration journey. This is an expensive workaround for me. Ostomy bags are not covered by insurance in India. I cannot keep throwing away pouches every 4 hours if I decide to eat during a trip.

I am going back to college after a week. It is a 2.5-hour flight. Adding the time required for travelling to and from the airport and the check-in process, I will need a quiet stoma for 6-8 hours. Hence, I will be starving myself for a day beforehand. Later in May, I have to travel from New Delhi to Chicago for Digestive Disease Week. The travel time is around 24 hours. I will be starving myself for a day again. However, I am planning to eat during the flight. I’ll replace my pouch either during the layover or mid-flight.

Having IBD with an ostomy creates many difficulties for me. Depending on my intestine’s reaction to the food I’m eating, my stoma activity varies. This uncertainty is difficult to deal with. Every time I travel, I wish there were cleaner toilets that I could use. Every time I travel, I fear leaks, because I don’t know what I’d do if one happens. I also wonder if people will be kind to me. Travel was stressful for me even when I didn’t have an ostomy and relied on diapers. I couldn’t change diapers everywhere. I feared the looks I would get from people if I did it in a public toilet. The lack of proper sanitation facilities for the IBD population creates so much distress that many young people do not leave their homes and stop socializing. This seclusion further leads to depression.

In India, being a young adult with IBD is a challenge. Most of us compromise on many other aspects of our life just to be able to work or study. As for travel, I think if we are allowed to use accessible toilets, things will be much easier for us. It will permit us to live a more fulfilling life.

I don’t like ending things on a sad note, which is why I generally refrain from sharing my story. As I share my struggles with you, I’d hate to leave you feeling disappointed. So I’ll leave you with a few words from “Beautiful Pain” by Eminem. These words often inspire me when I am disappointed. I hope they inspire you too.

I'm standing in the flames

It's a beautiful kind of pain

Setting fire to yesterday

Find the light, find the light, find the light

Thank you for listening to me. Have a good day! :)

What I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Diagnosed Self

By Rachel Straining

Hey. I know you’re feeling a lot of emotions right now, a lot of emotions that might not make sense for a while. You probably don’t want to listen to anything else because you feel like you’re drowning in new words and the world you once knew is breaking into pieces. But I need you to do something for me. I need you to breathe. And I need you to listen.

Let’s take a deep breath, okay? I know your heart is racing as fast as the thoughts that consume your mind, but let’s just try to breathe in, and breathe out. It’ll help. Hold onto that practice. It’ll come in handy.

Before you freak out and your mind starts spinning in a million different directions, find that steady breathe again, and just hear me out.

Your life is going to change, but you’re going to be okay.

Your life is going to change, but not entirely in the way that you think.

Honestly, yeah. There are some things that are going to change for the worse. It wouldn’t be fair to lie to you. It’s not right to sugarcoat it, because that’s not reality, and that’s not how you’re going to grow. You’re not going to grow by shying away from the hard stuff. It’s going to suck sometimes. There will be a lot of doctor visits, a lot of doctor changes until you find one who will believe and listen to you. There will be a lot of you being your own doctor and especially your own advocate. There will be a lot of tests run, a lot of blood drawn, a lot of nights and days spent in the bathroom or in bed.

But amidst the pain and the tears, and amongst the ways in which, yes, your life will get harder, here’s what will get stronger: You. Your bravery. Your resiliency. Your power. Your appreciation for life. Your ability to empathize with others. Your knowledge about and intuition towards your body. YOUR body.

So, with that in mind, here are a few things I need you to know:

At first, you may feel like you’re the only person in the world who has this disease. You’re not, I promise. There is an entire community out there of other people your age who are fighting the same battles, who understand what you’re going through because they’re going through it, too. Please don’t wait to find them.

Listen to your mom. She will almost always be right, even when you don’t want to admit it.

You are stronger than you even know and you will grow stronger every day, even when it doesn’t feel like it. That unrelenting strength will be right there, right inside of you.

Your past isn’t your present and your present isn’t your future.

Your bad days don’t equal a bad life. Your bad days are not forever.

You are going to cry and you are going to need to cry. Let yourself ride the waves and feel it all because keeping it hidden or bottled up will only make things worse.

You are going to need rest and you are not weak because of it.

You are going to have to give yourself grace through it all. It’s the only way. You are going to have to learn how to be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself.

Remember to breathe.

Find something every day to be thankful for, even when it’s hard.

You are not any less deserving of love because you have a chronic illness.

Do not settle for anything or anyone’s opinion.

You are not an inconvenience or a burden.

You can’t compare your health or your journey to anyone’s else’s.

You can’t put a timestamp on healing. Healing doesn’t happen on straight timeline and it doesn’t have a set end date. It’s complicated and hard and messy as heck. Putting in the work and putting yourself and your health first will always be worth it.

You know your body better than anyone else. You are going to have to fight for it.

You will often have to separate to elevate - from certain people, from negativity, from anything that holds you back and holds you down.

Your thoughts hold great power; thoughts become things if you let them. Both positive and negative.

Your chronic illness is an important part of who you are and what shapes you, but it does not define you.

Your story is worth sharing. Your voice deserves to be heard.

Your pain will become your power.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: you’re going to go through a lot, but you’re going to learn from it and grow from it. You’re going to fight through it because that’s what warriors do. There will be days when you’ll feel so angry that you have this disease that all you can do is go to bed and hope tomorrow will be better. But there will also be days when that hope for a better tomorrow seems to finally exist in the present, when the anger starts to fade into the background and you feel like you can not only handle but conquer this life you’ve been given. This life is going to be good and bad and everything in between and you’re going to make it through.

I just wanted to tell you that.

Piecing Together My Chronic Illness Puzzle

By Grady Stewart

Photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash

“There’s the me who existed before I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, and there’s the me who is living now after my diagnosis.”

There’s this fuzzy feeling that sticks to me sometimes when I think about the past. It’s especially prominent when I reflect on dusty memories wedged in time between late 2015, the season of my diagnosis with Ulcerative Colitis, and today. It’s sticky, soft, and sickly sweet like an overripe peach turning into a goopy marinade. It’s not an unpleasant feeling, or even unfamiliar. It flows through my body, sending tingly waves crashing through my veins, and turning all of my nerves to spiderwebs. In these periods of reflection, I feel incredibly present and grounded, yet out of place. The clips of my life are lifted out of their slots, and thrown into a random order.

Poetry aside, it’s hard to explain why I feel so odd when I think about who I was in the past. Maybe it’s melancholy. Maybe it’s nostalgia. If you ask me, it’s my body’s autoimmune reaction to change. It turns out I’m allergic to more than just seasonal pollen. When you live with a chronic illness, from the moment you’re diagnosed, the world becomes more chaotic. When I woke up from my initial colonoscopy, everything was spinning around me. That could have been the result of the anesthesia wearing off. However, it was also the first time I stopped recognizing my own body.

To go from being healthy to sick forever is a gigantic change. It’s looking into a murky puddle and seeing ripples rippling your reflection apart. You’re still the same person, but in that instant, you’re completely different too. An experience like that is enough to send anyone into a tailspin. On top of all that, when you’re diagnosed with IBD, everything else in your life seems to start changing more frequently and much faster. You change doctors. You change medications. You change diets. Sometimes, even your friends change.

You change so much when you’re chronically ill and the rest of your life starts to feel unfamiliar. Most people go through several periods in their lives. They have a childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, adulthood, and older age. I’m working my way through those life periods too. However, the difference is that change has shattered the stages of my life into two fragments. There’s the me who existed before I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, and there’s the me who is living now after my diagnosis. As a result, my past and present selves feel disconnected. The puzzle pieces of my life don’t quite fit together. There’s too many corner pieces, and not enough patchy centerpieces.

I’m learning to accept the changes that have changed my life and the changes that I can’t control. I am different from who I was, but I’m proud of who I am, and who I am becoming. Living with a chronic illness isn’t easy, and accepting a new life isn’t any easier. It means giving up on normal. It means embracing imperfect, and living with the unexpected. Over time, I’ve learned that isn’t failure or an insurmountable obstacle. Change has forced me to grow, to learn, and to adapt. I’ve met new friends, and I’ve accomplished things that I never thought were possible in the past. Acceptance isn’t a solid thing, it's a fluid and evolving process. Today, I’m less concerned about the pieces of my story being perfect. Instead, I’m happy to have a jumbled pile of pieces to put together in my own weird and unique way.

Besides, who wants to be normal anyway?

Coming to Terms with Crohn's

By Simon Stones

“This year marks twelve years since I received my diagnosis, and it is true that time is a great healer.”

Life has a funny way of teaching us many things. It presents us with a number of challenges along the uphill journey, though some people get more than their fair share. As a child, it’s sometimes difficult to understand why you’ve been so unlucky. “What have I done to deserve this?” Having lived with juvenile arthritis from the age of three, I had grown up knowing nothing else but hospitals, treatment and pain – making me feel different than everyone else.

At the age of 12, I began to develop some new bowel-related symptoms, which were largely ignored or overlooked. My mum fought over twelve months to get me referred to a paediatric gastroenterologist, since she knew there was something seriously wrong. I was dealing with excruciating abdominal pain, the embarrassment of having to run out of class to go to the bathroom, and I had a genuine fear of having to use the public toilets in school. Despite the in-depth description of symptoms to my local doctor and hospital specialists, I was repeatedly told that the only thing wrong with me was constipation. Instead of further investigations, I was prescribed laxatives, which only made matters worse.

My mum had repeatedly asked for a colonoscopy and gastroscopy to be done to rule anything out, to little avail. Mum had diverticulitis, a condition characterised by infection or inflammation of pouches that can form in your intestines. Since some of the symptoms were similar, we began to wonder whether I had the same condition. I had been more or less guaranteed that it wouldn’t be Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis, since I wasn’t a typical patient – what even is one of those!?

After many more months of fighting for an answer, I finally saw a paediatric gastroenterologist who decided to investigate using a colonoscopy and gastroscopy. Again, he seemed quite certain that it wasn’t ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s disease, given that my weight had been fairly stable, and my inflammatory markers hadn’t changed significantly, bearing in mind they were already elevated – but that was put down to the arthritis. I don’t think the healthcare professionals meant to make me feel this way, but I had begun to question whether it was all in my head. Nobody seemed to believe what I was experiencing, except my mum and dad, which is really hard to deal with. It certainly dented my confidence.

The day for the camera investigations arrived. It was Monday 21st April 2008. I hadn’t packed a bag as the plan was a day case admission for the camera investigations under general anaesthetic. For me, the worst part of the colonoscopy was definitely the bowel preparation you have to take – I feel nauseous just thinking about it! I still struggle getting the stuff down now for follow-up colonoscopies! So, I walked down to theatre, the anaesthetic was injected into my veins and I quickly drifted off. The earliest memories I have after the camera investigations was feeling incredibly sore (presumably where the biopsies had been taken), and I was lay in bed in a side room, with my parents by my side. Very shortly after, I remember the consultant coming into the room, before sitting on the side of the bed.

---

You know there’s bad news when somebody looks at you, tilts their head, and then sits down. “Simon, I’m so very sorry…” Before he had chance to finish his sentence, every worst possible thought came rushing into my head. “I never expected to find what I have found – it took us all by surprise.” He then told me that I had Crohn’s disease, and went onto say that as well severe inflammation and ulceration throughout my intestine, my entire oesophagus and stomach was inflamed and ulcerated too. After further descriptions, he finished by saying, “I’m sorry that we didn’t believe you.” After years of suffering, someone had finally listened to me. Despite the diagnosis, I was so relieved. I wasn’t going mad.

That relief, unfortunately, was short-lived. On the night when I was diagnosed, my parents had left briefly to eat. I was in a side-room, shut off from the rest of the world. All of a sudden, a wave of grief came over me, and I burst out crying. The thought –of having this disease for the rest of my life terrified me. Having read about Crohn’s during my fight for a diagnosis, I had read of so many people requiring surgery and ostomies as a result of Crohn’s disease, and this really did frighten me. Sadly, I didn’t know all what I knew now.

“After years of suffering, someone had finally listened to me.”

Treatment began almost immediately, and I had to stop injecting the biological treatment for my arthritis, since it had been ‘masking’ the Crohn’s disease. My doctor also instructed me to start a polymeric diet, which is a special liquid diet consisting of daily nutrient-packed milkshake-like drinks that I would need to take for eight weeks.

Each bottle was 250 ml, and based on my weight at the time, I was told I would need eight of these a day – that’s two litres of the stuff! This was also on the presumption that I would not eat or drink anything else but water for that period. I managed day one, and then struggled trying to get all of these drinks down. I thought it would be a doddle drinking these ‘chocolate and strawberry-flavoured milkshakes’ – but it wasn’t! It became even more tormenting when I returned to school on this polymeric diet, still feeling ill, and watching everyone else eat and go about their daily lives normally. I wasn’t ready to be back at school – physically and mentally, so I went back home and was home tutored for a couple of months.

As time went by, the polymeric diet did its job, and enabled my digestive system to rest. I tried to observe patterns in foods which seemed to make me worse, but other than green salads, vegetables and spicy foods, I couldn’t identify much else. Over the years, Crohn’s disease has just become another part of my life. After diagnosis, I tried to find out as much information as possible, though I didn’t have the opportunity to meet and chat with other young people living with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis, which was a real shame.

This year marks twelve years since I received my diagnosis, and it is true that time is a great healer. I’ve never forgotten, nor will I ever forget, the pain and trials that I have faced because of Crohn’s disease, alongside my other health problems. However, I have learned to live with my conditions, getting on with what I want to achieve in the way I want to do so. Sometimes, it’s not easy, and there are times when it sometimes feels too much, but you do get there. As life has taught me in many ways, it can be incredibly short, and there are so many others who are worse off than me. So, if I can do something, I will, and I’ll do it with all my heart!

Reflections on Being Diagnosed with a Chronic Illness as a Child

By Leah Clark

When I was twelve years old, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. From personal experience, I believe that being diagnosed at a young age can be seen as a blessing and a curse. Of course I am partially biased; I don’t want to go through my life wishing that I had been diagnosed at a later age. There is literally nothing that can be done to change that. With that, let’s start with the bad news about being young and diagnosed with a chronic illness. At the time, I didn’t fully understand what what was going on half the time. I remember feeling healthy, and then all of a sudden, I was feeling awful all the time. I would could home from school exhausted; I barely ate anything because everything made my stomach hurt. It wasn’t like a normal cold with the sniffles and running nose. That I could recognize, but these new painful experiences were different, and I didn’t know what was going on until I finally went to the doctor.

Reflecting now, I realize what else was going on, apart from getting Crohn’s disease. Part of my childhood was taken away from me, and that’s a pretty big statement. A part of my childhood was not lived because I was too sick to live it. While other kids my age were able to go to pizza parties and stay up late at sleepovers, I literally was too exhausted to keep up. Along with Crohn’s, I was also diagnosed with Celiac disease, so I can’t eat gluten anymore. Not only was I that sick pale girl with bathroom problems, I also couldn’t eat half of the diet a normal child eats. No chicken nuggets and pizza rolls. I had to bring my own snacks when it was someone’s birthday at school. This was also a time before the gluten free diet fads exploded the industry, so there were not many options for me that didn’t include basic foods. You never realize how integral food is in American culture until you can’t eat it anymore.

“A part of my childhood was not lived because I was too sick to live it.”

Aside from missing out on those experiences, I also missed out on social and developmental aspects. For example, in my middle school, there were a lot of tall, athletic girls and boys that participated in volleyball, basketball, tennis, track, cross country, so on and so on throughout the year. Sure, middle school sports aren’t really that much in terms of importance, but at that age, sports signified a time to spend two hours with your friends outside of the classroom. I wanted to be part of that. I didn’t want to miss out on what my friends talked about, who they were talking to, all the hot gossip. You know, typical middle school things. However, I was not good at sports, like, at all. While all my other friends were growing up, getting taller and having fun actually being good at sports, I was not. I was malnourished for so long that I skipped that part of purperty. In fact, I’m still the same height that I was in 8th grade, 5’2. Maybe this is why I don’t like participating in sports even to this day. I feel like I don’t “fit in” in the activity, and I sometimes still get angry that I can’t be better at them.

Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is not that I was bad at sports when I was younger, or that I couldn’t eat birthday cake with everyone. The point I’m trying to make is that I was deprived of childhood experiences that I would consider vital in growing up. Some days, I wish that I had a different childhood; I wish I wasn’t diagnosed when I was so young. It brought not only sadness into my life, but a lot of anger, for a long time. I was forced to grow up faster than my classmates. Heck, I understood how healthcare worked at the age of 14. But, it’s frustrating to be a child and not understand why bad things are happening to you for no reason. For awhile, I felt like I was being punished for something. Why do bad things happen to a good people? Am I a bad person? It took so long for me to realize that sometimes, life sucks, and sometimes good people get sick.

The picture on the left is my 6th grade school photo. My face was thin. I hated smiling. I felt like a ghost being trapped in a body I didn’t recognize. The picture on the right was taken this summer, almost ten years after the other. It’s safe to say I don’t feel that way anymore.

That being said, being diagnosed at a young age was also a blessing in disguise because I was an impressionable pre-teen and able to adapt to my new lifestyle of having a chronic illness in the same way I adapted to other major changes in my life (puperty, middle school, etc). I thought of it as, “Well, I guess this is a thing now,” and I just accepted it as my new life. It wasn’t until later when I would look back on my life that I realized I had experienced some pretty tough things. Of course, I didn’t love it at the time. Who would love having to explain to all your classmates why your face looks like an inflated balloon from prednisone? Or why you have to skip school to go to the doctor’s office for infusions every few weeks? I was lucky enough to go into remission fairly quickly after diagnosis, and (most) classmates did not even discuss my disease with me because it wasn’t affecting my day to day life. I have spent almost half of my entire life living with Crohn’s disease. I know tricks to help with flares. I’ve had years of experience in learning what foods affect my body. Yes, it has been a learning process, but as I grow older, I will be gaining more and more knowledge on how to handle my disease. I learn more about myself and what kind of person I want to be everyday. These experiences, though rough, have shaped me into the person I am today.

I was able to adapt to my new lifestyle of having a chronic illness in the same way I adapted to other changes in my life. I thought of it as, “Well, I guess this is a thing now,” and I accepted it as my new life.

The one thing about being diagnosed at a young age that outshines all the rest is the fact that I have met so many wonderful people with the same disease as me. I was diagnosed in the summer of 2009, and that same summer was the year my parents sent me to a summer camp for kids with inflammatory bowel diseases. I was a camper there every year from then on for six years and was fortunate enough to be a counselor for four years after. It was such a joy to meet kids my age that knew exactly what I was dealing with. We were able to share stories, give eachother advice on how to handle our illnesses, and just spend a week being a “normal” camper. I am happy to have been diagnosed at a young age, because I was able to meet other kids that were diagnosed at a young age, too. It’s a special bond. I have made lasting friendships with mnay people, and it has been an amazing journey. I understand not everyone diagnosed at a young age was able to meet people their age with their illness. IBD can be a very isolating disease, but the thing I find to be one of the best things about my illness is the community established from it. A good support system can honestly be the difference in someone’s life that changes how they look at their disease. I know for me, just the fact of knowing there were other kids like me, helped me so much with my when I was younger.

If I could give just one piece of advice to someone with IBD, it would be to establish a support system. If you haven’t met anyone that has IBD, I encourage you to seek them out. Whether that be a club on your college campus, a support group in your town, or even online, meeting other people will similiar experiences with you can be se rewarding. I was fortunate enough to establish these relationships at such a young age, and for that, I am grateful to have been diagnosed with my chronic illness as a child.

New Year's Resolutions from a Fellow Crohnie

By Erin Ard

Living a life with inflammatory bowel disease is in one word, unpredictable. For Crohn's disease, you pretty much do what you can to control the inflammation in your body by controlling your food intake and working with your gastroenterologist on what treatment methods to use. Not to mention, dealing with any other additional complications or side effects. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease 10 years ago now and I've learned a lot about strength, resiliency, and the imperfection of the human body. Since my diagnosis, I've learned a lot about my body and my disease including how to accept all of its flaws. But because reality tells me I will deal with this disease for the rest of my life, my journey with Crohn’s is not over yet so there is still so much more to learn.

My journey with Crohn's started back in high school and honestly, I had no idea what would be in store for me. When I was finally sent to see a specialist, we would drive over an hour to my gastroenterology appointments. I started out taking mercaptopurine to suppress my immune system but quickly advanced to Remicade as a long-term treatment. On Remicade, I finally felt like myself again – at least a version of myself with additional manifestations of my Crohn's. The joint pain and short-lived fevers still persist, even today. It has been 8 years since I started on Remicade and a lot has happened over those years. I finished high school, moved away from home, and started college at the University of Wisconsin - Madison. Since starting college I've learned a lot more about myself as an individual and how Crohn's affects my life as a whole. In fact, it has changed since I was diagnosed and achieved remission the first time around.

I moved through the years mostly symptom-free. With only the rare stomach ache, but still able to maintain your daily routines. I knew precisely how my daily life would change if my disease was active. I valued the time I had thinking I could eat what I wanted without repercussion or go on a long run without my joint pain forcing me to limp the remaining distance. When your Crohn's is in remission, you have the freedom to eat delicious - maybe not so Crohn's-compliant - foods. You may even plan travel trips into your year with minimized anxiety of having an episode. I had the freedom to do all of these things! Since 2019 started, I tackled my vision board ideas by cooking more from scratch, trying out healthy recipes in my Insta Pot, and booking my first flight on a plane! Followed by several more flights to exciting new locations I hadn’t dreamed of experiencing because of the travel-anxiety instilled by my Crohn’s. For a woman in her early 20s with Crohn’s disease, I was crushing it! Then a few reality checks later, the unpredictability of IBD set in and I learned an important lesson. That no matter how far into remission you've gotten, odds are you might flare-up again in the future.

Photo by Evie Shaffer from Pexels

This sad truth is where I found myself recently. For the last few months, I've felt pretty off. I was getting more frequent belly pains, indigestion, irregular bowel movements, and my joints were starting to bother me more. I had originally attributed all of my symptoms to not eating well, which was a naïve thing to believe.. In retrospect, I had been struggling to stay in remission for the past couple of years. With the way that Remicade infusions worked over my 8 week time period, I would started getting symptoms again around week 7. That last week was a familiar struggle which included neglecting some of my responsibilities at school. I would end up skipping a class here or calling into work there - each pretty understandable given the circumstances but I still regretted having to do. About a year ago I went in for another colonoscopy (my third so far) because of these recurring symptoms and because my last one was towards the beginning of my diagnosis. The results didn't come back perfect, of course. They found some inflammation in my distal colon and the opening to my small intestine, which would explain my irregularity, stomach pain, and indigestion. I was told my gastroenterologist would be in touch to discuss what my next steps would be. After that visit, everything concerning my disease went on hold for awhile. In other words, life happened. My obligations for school and work started to take over my free time. Being the Crohnie I am, my limited will power from the fatigue would have me put the small tasks off until the following day. Meaning my health was put on a back-burner because they would always be put off until the “next day.” I was still receiving infusions every 8 weeks and conquering through my days, so I didn’t jeopardize my self-efficacy. I felt able to accomplish whatever I set my mind on. Eventually I started to wonder what my prognosis would turn into if I continued living this way. So I finally scheduled that appointment, this time with the gastroenterologist that performed my last colonoscopy.

Since I've started this fellowship with #CCYAN - the Crohn's and Colitis Young Adults Network, I've read so much about other people's experience and learned the expansive symptomology of inflammatory bowel disease in other bodies. Since the start of the year I realized how crucial it is to maintain your disease to prevent complications or necessary surgery in the future. Heading into the new year, my new outlook will be focused on achieving remission and maintaining a healthy body, any way I can. Let me share with you what my Crohn’s-related New Year’s resolutions are for 2020..

Learn to accept the unpredictable.

The first resolution I’d like to explore more is in how I think. Because Crohn’s can be so unpredictable, accepting this as a fact of the disease may help uncontrollable events feel less traumatizing. When you can learn to seek solutions or simply see the positive rather drowning in the self pity, loathing, disgust or whatever you might feel, you will feel a bit more at ease. It takes so much energy worrying about what "could" happen in the future. Like what "might" happen if you venture away from the privacy of your home and go to the movies today. Or "if" you might have the urge to go on an airplane while the bathroom is busy. Or "if" you don't make it to the toilet on time. Events like these are bound to happen and throw you for a loop if you aren't prepared. I should clarify that learning to how to accept and not worry about the future doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't prepare for anything and everything. Because the first thing we all learn with IBD is that preparation is key to surviving any traumatic bathroom incident!

To take initiative when it comes to my well-being and body's health.

The second resolution involves how take action when Crohn’s is clearly affecting my body. My bad habits of binge-eating sugary treats or ordering high-fat take-out when I’m not feeling well starts to become routine when I don’t take responsibility for some of the fall out. I’d like to learn how to better take initiative to prevent consequences or make the most of my recovery. This means staying in close contact with my gastroenterologist about any trouble I’m having, not eating foods I know will quarantine me in the bathroom the next day, and keeping track of my symptoms, as tedious as that might be.

Recently I received not-so-great news from my gastroenterologist and it felt like my world was collapsing. After I took a calprotectin test which showed an adequate amount of inflammation, she told me that my Crohn's was flaring up again. It took me a bit to realize that what I was experiencing was actually long-lived. I had started getting symptoms months prior and it took me too long to get back on track. Something simple that could have helped me notice something sooner would have been a food log, which unfortunately, I don't have a lot of experience in carrying out. However, I do see their value and hope that this next year I can explore this path and hone in on what my exact food triggers are and how my body changes throughout the year. If you are now interested in doing the same, see this article on How to Use a Food Diary to Help Manage Crohn’s Symptoms and Flares from Everyday Health. I might not go as far as weighing my food, but at least I will get an idea of what food leads to which symptom.

My disease will change as much as I do.

This is one thing I needed to accept my disease started to flare up again. I was caught up in the idea that I had achieved remission and that everything would stay relatively constant. I just couldn’t see myself going through what I had in high school again, when my Crohn’s had surfaced. Since then it’s been a constant flow and I tried to push any thought that the disease would hold me back aside - which was an advantage for the time-being. However, this also kept me from growing because I just shut everything out. I wasn’t able to harness the power of vulnerability in having an illness to accept myself as I am and love my body.

After spending the last 8+ years in remission, with only some minor episodes, finding out my disease was flaring up again came as a shock to me. I've noticed that I'm the type of person who is apprehensive around big life changes. I like how things are going, I am comfortable with how everything is, and if I have to suffer through it a little, I am fine with that. However, this kind of mindset wouldn't suffice anymore and I've been realizing that more and more every day. My doctor and I have been working hard to put my disease back into remission. I'm trying some new medication out and taking everything new in day by day. IBD is so specific to every person, so how it presents itself or progresses is going to look different in all of us. And as all of us grow into young adults and beyond, our disease will change over time as well. For the better, or not so much.

My body will do some weird things, just learn to go with it.

You would think having to deal with gut pain would be enough, but there are so many other things that can factor in! The most common list of symptoms for Crohn's disease include abdominal pain, diarrhea, and fatigue. But the lesser known, indirectly related symptoms should also include weird noises, smells, urgency and accidents. Your gut will make loud gas-y noises while it’s quiet in the office. You will have to take frequent, unexpected breaks when the urgency gets the better of you. And the unfortunate reality is that sometimes, you won't make it to the bathroom in time.

The most healing part of my being more vulnerable this past year, was accepting these symptoms as they were instead of trying to control them. Because when I’d try to control them, I would get gut upset, constipation, or even more uncomfortable. I eventually started to tell people that yes, I have had accidents in the past and brushed this confession off like it was normal. Humor always goes a long way in these situations. Because of the healing I’ve already had, I want to pursue this resolution in 2020 as well to see my body’s flaws in a new light.

My hope is that you will find some inspiration to create your own list of resolutions for yourself. Whether they are similar to mine or completely different! Join me in making a resolution list for yourself this year and we can both actively improve our life with IBD together!

Starting a Healthy Relationship with Food

By Erin Ard

What should I eat during a flare-up? What should I eat to stay trim? What should I eat to be healthy? What even CAN I eat? Every day I'm plagued with these questions. Even more aggravating, none of which have an easy, clear-cut answer. But having had experience fumbling over meal-planning and studying nutrition, I've learned how to better navigate my eating habits.

Planning and preparing healthy meals for yourself can be an exhausting, time-consuming, and sometimes expensive, process - especially for college students. Now if you throw in food allergies, intolerance, or chronic illness this process can get MORE complicated! Having inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), myself, I know how challenging it is to eat healthy within your own food restrictions; especially if you don't have a good understanding of nutrition, gastrointestinal disease, or what your restrictions are! My disease has been in remission for several years now, so my food limitations aren't as strict as someone having a flare-up, and I still have trouble. For those who are new to the game, IBD is a class of autoimmune diseases that causes inflammation along the GI tract when the disease is active, and can hinder nutrient absorption. With Crohn's disease, a common form of IBD, there is no specific diet to follow to control symptoms. This is probably the most annoying thing you've read today, but I better let you know now.. According to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, we only know of foods to avoid - foods like dairy, high fiber grains, alcohol and certain spices, since these tend to aggravate an inflamed bowel.

Being the nutrition major I am, I get to learn about the Dietary Guidelines for Americans (DGAs). These are a great resource for curious readers wanting to eat healthy and live an active lifestyle. They lay out simple and easy recommendations to help prevent chronic illness, e.g. diabetes or obesity. These illnesses have become more and more prominent in the U.S. and have direct ties with diet. But what about the many other nutrition-related diseases with not-so straightforward ties? Unfortunately, the DGAs aren't designed for all bodies. The research used to develop the recommendations use “healthy” test subjects, of course, not those with chronic illness already. If you have a chronic illness, you’ll need to take extra care to find your ideal, health promoting diet. Better start doing some research yourself or see a registered dietitian! Or try out this idea you've probably never heard before, a food diary! …

Taking extra care in regards to your diet is especially important with IBD. In Crohn's disease specifically, inflammation along the digestive tract can cause nutrient deficiency. Inflammation hinders absorption of important nutrients, vitamins, and minerals; putting you at a higher risk of malnutrition than your healthy roommate. Eating the right nutrient-rich foods and eating enough of these foods can make-or-break living healthy with IBD. All of this in mind, the DGAs are still an easy “go-to” to help you learn about what makes up a balanced meal and why. In the rest of this article, I want to help you navigate the DGAs and share my own troubles with forming healthy eating habits.

Navigating the Dietary Guidelines for Americans with IBD

When comparing the DGAs and what is good or bad for a person with the common IBD form of Crohn’s disease, there are a few noteworthy similarities. For instance, limiting saturated or trans fats, simple or added sugars, sodium and alcohol are wise choices for everyone. They also seem to focus on getting a variety of vegetable and protein choices, emphasize fiber, and recommend lower fat options for dairy. Here you need to be careful. As noted before, certain sources of fiber can hurt a person with active disease. In other cases, fiber can be very beneficial for a person with Crohn’s to add fecal bulk, when the disease is in remission (i.e. under control or without symptoms). It's important for you to understand what foods are necessary for a well-balanced diet and what foods impact your disease management. The DGAs give a great outline, but your personal nutrition plan should have the final say in deciding what to make for dinner.

Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2015-2020

1. Follow a healthy eating pattern across the lifespan.

2. Focus on variety, nutrient density, and amount.

3. Limit calories from added sugars and saturated fats and reduce sodium intake.

4. Shift to healthier food and beverage choices.

5. Support healthy eating patterns for all.

My Relationship with Food

All of this information I have outlined is great and all, but I haven't touched on the emotional aspects of eating yet. Eating is heavily tied to the emotions I experience in a day. My mind bounces back and forth so much in a day when I think about food, eating, how I feel, how my gut feels, how much time I have before my next class, and whether I even have the energy to fix a meal up.

I eat when I’m sad and eat when I'm happy. I'll make a great meal to celebrate an accomplishment or make comfort food if my gut hurts. If I have an important event to attend, I will forego eating entirely to prevent symptoms. If I’m sad or stressed enough, I will also not eat, and wallow in my own pity. It’s confusing and raw, and I don’t understand my eating habits most of the time. Like I said, eating is a heavily influenced by my emotions, so how I feel about my Crohn's or about myself will impact what and if I eat anything. Unfortunately, I've discovered that a majority of emotions I experience will have me make bad decisions about food. But pausing to understand why I make these decisions and what fuels these emotions, has helped me to better understand myself. All of this aside, I love making food.

Striving for Progress

I used to have so many misconceptions about food. The biggest misconception I had to overcome was what I needed to eat to be healthy and what I should eat to look good. As a teen and throughout college, I was more absorbed in looking good, being thin, and keeping belly small. Not maximizing my nutrient intake by eating whole foods and managing my disease resurgence.

I used to be influenced by fads and testimonials - "stay away from dairy for clear skin", "stay away from breads and pasta and sugars to shrink your belly", etc. Everything affected me. Every headline I saw or piece of information I was told. Any advice I was given. Everything I interacted with tried to influence my thoughts, opinions, actions, and lifestyle. Here I thought I was being educated. I never realized I was depriving myself more than helping.

What I’ve been learning is that nutrition is not black and white. The world will try to convince you that there are foods you should not eat for X and foods you absolutely need for Y health benefits. Sadly, this isn’t true. There isn’t one perfect diet plan out there for everyone or for XYZ benefits. Nutrition is much more complicated than that.

With all of this in mind, I would say that right now, I have the healthiest relationship with food I've had in a long time. Studying nutrition was a major player, but I also must give credit to being mindful every day. Being mindful of my cravings and urges has helped me stay away from flare-triggering foods. And I make progress each day deconstructing any false beliefs on what I see as a "healthy" food for me.

My message to you is to educate yourself, learn about food, learn what foods you tolerate, and strive for a healthy relationship with food.

Doing the imPOSSIBLE while living with IBD

By Andi Nowakowski

Limitations and sacrifice are an unfortunate aspect of living with a chronic condition, which is why I was very excited when, this summer, I was able to take part in an activity I’ve been wanting to do for a long time; I donated blood.

It may not sound like much, but between the numerous immunosuppressants I take on a daily basis, my Crohn’s disease diagnosis and all the issues that are in tandem with IBD, I didn’t know if this was a donation I would ever be able to make. Even so, when the company I was interning with over the summer announced it was hosting a blood drive, I decided to do some research and was surprised to find that I would likely be able to contribute!

Whew! This experience was a rewarding mix of anxiety and exhilaration. The day of the blood drive arrived, and I was asked to fill out a survey that included questions about my age, weight, specific medication use, surgeries, etc. They checked my vitals and iron levels and deduced that I was a good candidate to donate. The only thing left to do was sit down and give over some of my life-saving bodily fluids-- an accomplishment I have been dreaming about for years. 

The nurse warned me to look away as she was about to place the needle, advice that, as a professional patient, I flippantly dismissed. Being an IBD patient, I am used to being poked and prodded with needles. Let me tell ya, that needle was MUCH larger than I anticipated. A word to the wise, if you have a fear of needles, you may want to keep your eyes averted at all costs should you decide to donate. In the end, it took about 15 minutes. They took a pint of blood while I sat in a reclining chair and enjoyed a well-earned snack. I was shocked at the amount of blood they drained out of me. Turns out, the average person has about 10-12 pints of blood in circulation but only needs about 8 to function normally. Honestly, though, I was really proud of myself for taking on this challenge and pushing my own limits.

Donating blood is a thankless, but worthwhile task. The person who will ultimately end up receiving your blood will never know who you are, but it is a life-saving and meaningful endeavor. For many, donating blood is a routine measure and most people probably don’t think twice about it, but for me, it was a way of giving back a little bit of good to the world. It was my way of saying, “Screw you Crohn’s.” It was my silent triumph against IBD and the limitations that come with it. The goal of this article is not to persuade you to go out and donate blood. I will say that it was physically challenging for me to do so. That being said, I do hope to inspire you to push yourself and seek out the endless possibilities that this world has to offer. Be patient with yourself and your condition, but don’t let IBD stop you from pursuing your dreams. Allow your experiences to strengthen your resolve and keep challenging yourself to experience all that you can. 

As one of our founders, the late Cory Lane, used to say, “live each day like an adventure.”

Andi

Life Hacks for IBD

By Leah Clark

It seems like these days there are life hacks for everything. Want to remove stems from strawberries? Poke a hole through the bottom with a straw. Color your keys with nail polish so it’s easier to identify them. You even can start harvesting plants using old paper tower rolls. The point is, there are all of these different “hacks” used in the everyday life, but are there some for those with IBD? We’ve compiled a list of five of the most useful and best life hacks for patients with IBD.

Use online services for errands when low energy or mobility struggles arise from IBD

The internet can be a wonderful place, and that is especially true for online shopping and services. Sometimes, those with IBD have problems running errands or leaving the house to pick things up. It can take up so much energy to do something as necessary as grocery shopping for people with IBD because of how much work it takes. For this, a nice hack is to order things online and have them shipped to your home directly, taking out the work and expended energy of having to do it yourself. Many grocery stores now have services that offer delivery of food and other items the same day you order. Ordering things online from department stores, too, saves time and effort. Many times, stores online offer more options than seen in stores, too!

Mobile apps are available to track symptoms, record food diaries, and more

One of the best life hacks for people with IBD is right at their very finger tips. There are so many apps available for mobile devices that can make managing their disease much easier. If diet is a concern for your disease, try using an app that records your own food and keeps track of nutrient breakdowns if you’re trying to focus on certain areas of your diet (such as maintaining high vitamin levels or increase calorie content). This also keeps a record so you can look back and see what might have affected your body if your symptoms worsen, as you can check for patterns. An all around good IBD app is called Cara Care, and it helps you track all of your IBD symptoms, such as bathroom frequency and sleep. It even allows you to create your own custom areas to cater to your unique IBD experience.

Monthly subscription boxes can eliminate the stress of always remembering necessary products

Much like the first life hack mentioned, it can be a struggle to spend time and energy to go shopping for things you need in your life. Not only that, living with IBD can be mentally draining, and it can be difficult to keep track of everything if your brain is exhausted. Luckily, there has been a great trend of companies offering monthly subscriptions where they ship products straight to your door that can make living with IBD a lot easier. Companies such as Blue Apron and Hello Fresh offer meal prep that is delivered straight to your door, eliminated the struggle of having to plan meals during busy times of your life. Other services such as Dollar Shave Club and even Walmart cater to provide hygiene products that don’t break the bank.

Keep an emergency IBD kit with you whenever you travel

Not so much a hack as it is just a smart idea, but a good idea is to always travel with essentials that can help whenever an IBD problem arises. This can include wet wipes for the bathroom, an extra roll of toilet paper, more underwear, an extra set of prescription medications or laxatives, a heating pad, or anything else that can ease symptoms when they occur. Accidents can happen, and it is especially hard to deal with them when you are far from the comfort of your own home. With the emergency kit, if anything unexpected happens, it will be easier to handle.

Sign up with your university’s center for disabilities services to get accommodations

Maybe a lesser known service that universities offer is their center for students with disabilities. Each university has a different name for it and how they provide accommodations, but they are here to help. With this service, students can sign up with their documented disease and receive accommodations they need related to their disease. In terms of those with IBD, these accommodations can range from requesting a dorm room nearest to a bathroom to receiving extra time on quizzes and exams for bathroom breaks. It’s important to set up an appointment with the service to ensure enough time allocated before such accommodations need to be implemented (such as extra test time). Also, if you ever need to take leave from school due to your disease, the center for disabilities will work with you until you’re able to return to class.

---

What are some “life hacks” that you use for your IBD? Comment below and share with the rest of us so we can make living life with IBD a little bit easier!

Crohn's on a College Budget: Tips for being a mindful shopper and saving money

By Erin Ard

Probably one of the biggest thing I struggled with in college, other than balancing my social life with academics, was money. I wasn’t very adept at budgeting my spending. I probably ended up spending much more than I needed and wasn’t able to stretch my money out as long as I could have. I spent what I had on what I wanted and there were no trade-offs; that is, until I realized I had been spending too much and would forego grocery shopping that week. Not a good spot to be in! Especially for someone who experiences stomach pain when I go too long not eating. The healthy way to approach spending would have been to ask myself, “How much money is left over after my necessary expenses?" Like tuition, books, rent, utilities, Remicade copays, etc. "How much do I want to spend on groceries? How much do I want to put towards fun?”

If you've ever been asked by your parents, tried to do some adulting yourself, or written up a grocery list, then you may have already asked yourself, "What is my budget?"

The truth of the matter is that setting a budget is entirely personal. How you want to spend your money is up to you? If you want to put most of your green towards 6 packs of assorted White Claws for college football game days, leaving yourself $50 for groceries, I can't stop you. You do you, honey! I just hope I get an invite to your tailgate!

There are so many factors to account for when setting a budget, including: money distributions, frequency of spending, being environmentally conscious. Reaching the point of having a well-groomed budget is a process of trail and error, meaning you'll have to dip your toes in before you can perfect it. This month I want to help any of you curious about how to set a monthly college budget, mindful grocery shopping, and finally, tips to save money both before and while at the store! Skip to whichever section you are most curious about!

---

Making a Crohn's-Compliant Budget

First, calculate your monthly expenses.

Take your monthly income and subtract your monthly expenses that, no matter what, you need to pay! This could include rent, utilities, Netflix, medication copays, and whatever else suits your lifestyle! If you're starting with a financial aid reimbursement, make sure to include long-term expenses over the semester (e.g. tuition or rent through December). You can do this on paper or in a spreadsheet. (Tip: Excel has some nice templates to work from - because why do it all yourself!).

Second, distribute the money left over.

You see the amount left over from your necessary expenses, that's your budget and that's all you get! Let's get a little more specific now. Divide your left over money into these categories: Food (grocery shopping and takeout), Self-care (healthcare products), Fun (for local events or social gatherings), and anything else you can think of that applies to you (medical, credit card debt). If you are having trouble knowing how much to allot, How much do you normally spend when you go to the grocery store?

Mindful Grocery Shopping

Mindful grocery shopping means, well pretty much what it sounds like, not going in and grabbing things mindlessly. You should go shopping with a goal - to buy healthy foods for yourself, on a budget, and within reason.

Be mindful of your current state. In other words, never go shopping when you are hungry. Whenever I go shopping hangry, I tend to hone in on snacky, sugary, junk foods - all of which I shouldn't eat on a Crohn's conscious diet.

Be mindful of what you place in your cart. Are you shopping from a list? Are you grabbing a bunch of ingredients for a recipe? Will you get home and inevitably realize you have a bunch of ingredients but none that form a whole recipe?

Be mindful of how much you are putting in your cart. Get enough to last you until your next trip, but not too much that will go bad before you use it. This is particularly important if you get a lot of fresh produce and perishables.

Tips for Saving Money

Saving money on your groceries mirrors being a mindful shopper and includes proper planning.

• Research some recipes you'd like to try and plan out a weekly menu. Start with planning 2 breakfasts, 2 lunches, and 3 dinners (since you will probably have leftovers).

• Tailor your recipes to the produce that's in season. These veggies and fruits are the cheapest at that time.

• Make a list of all the items you need and ONLY GET THOSE ITEMS! Unless, of course, you stumble upon something you forgot.

• Grocery shop every week or every other week. This will help cut down on waste and allow you to replenish your fresh produce.

• Stock up on nonperishable items you use most often when you can (i.e. there are sales!). This includes supplements or other products that help sustain you during an IBD episode.

• Compare the prices with off brands or similar items. This may not save you a lot, but a little adds up over time.

---

There are plenty more factors to be aware of when setting up a budget and being a mindful shopper when you have Crohn’s disease. I hope this article has helped you think more about being a green-, environmental-, and personal health-conscious adulter!

What tips do you have for anyone with Crohn’s or Colitis and shopping on a budget?

Explaining IBD to Those Without It

By Leah Clark

Imagine your abdomen is a blender. Now, someone shoves 10,000 little knives into that blender. Crohn’s disease is pressing the on button.

I have been living with Crohn’s disease now for about ten years, and this analogy is the best I have conjured when describing my pain to those that have never felt it. To my closest friends, I feel very comfortable discussing my health and my symptoms. When I’m having a bad IBD day, they know about it. Whether it’s from the expressions on my face, my absence from the group, or strictly from me telling them, they know. Describing my disease to others that don’t know more, or/and have never heard of Crohn’s disease is another story.

It’s more than just a stomach ache, or it’s more than an overall “not feeling well.” When I talk about being tired, I’m talking about my entire body aching with every step I take. I’m talking about how even the thought of getting out of bed brings me to exhaustion because I don’t want to exert energy. Fatigue is only one part of it. When I talk about pain, I’m talking about truly stabbing pain, like a pitch fork plunged into your body and every time you move, the pitchfork twists a little deeper and a little wider into your gut. I’m talking about a boulder the size of a microwave being pressed into your intestines, with each step you take another rock being added on top. I don’t even want to get into the toll my mental health takes because of my disease; I’ll leave that for another discussion.

“Imagine your stomach is a blender. Someone shoves 10,000 little knives into that blender. Crohn’s disease is pressing the on button.

”

I’ve had many years of experience in processing and handling the pain associated with my disease. I’ve also had many years of explaining to people the reason why I am in pain and exactly how I am affected by my Crohn’s disease. Sometimes I enjoy talking about my disease; I see it as a way to communicate and educate others on the disease so maybe next time they meet someone with it, they can have more sympathy towards them and a better understanding. Other times, I find it a chore. Going on and on, again and again, explaining the same story I’ve been telling others for the past ten years. I always start with the same script:

1. I have Crohn’s disease. Have you ever heard of it/do you know what it is?

2. It’s an inflammatory bowel disease. Do you know what that means?

3. Basically, my intestines attack themselves and I need medicine to feel better, otherwise bad things can happen to my digestive tract.

Depending on how interested the person is, I go into more or less detail, explaining more than just “attacking my intestines.” The average person does not have a gastroenterology medical background, so I keep it light and leave out the details of my bowel movements. When I decide to go off script, it’s usually from two different reasons. It’s either because I am not feeling well and I need to express my pain someone (hence, where all of the previous analogies I’ve given come into play), or when someone is just not getting it.

Generally, people are pretty understanding when I explain my illness, but sometimes you get those wackos that feel the need to put their opinion about your illness down your throat. People have tried giving me new diet tips or foods to eat to “cure” my disease. Suggestions of “just workout more, try yoga” as if yoga is the magical cure to any problem I have. People have expressed how fortunate I should be that “at least it’s not cancer” or a different illness. One thing never to say to someone with a chronic illness is, “Well, at least you don’t have [insert any other disease].” It doesn’t make us feel better, it honestly makes us feel worse because it invalidates our own pain and suffering from the very illness we have to live with for the rest of our lives. I would never wish my disease onto another person, but when it comes to times like this, I sometimes wish they could just experience for a day what it’s like during a flare. Then they’ll see if yoga is really the best thing for me.

“One thing never to say to someone with a chronic illness is, “Well, at least you don’t have [insert any other disease].” It doesn’t make us feel better, it honestly makes us feel worse because it invalidates our own pain and suffering.”

I’m not trying to bring the mood down and paint a bad picture of what living with Crohn’s disease is like. For me, it’s not always pain and suffering. There are things I’m happy about and things in my life that wouldn’t exist without it. Bonds I’ve created with other people with IBD, self assurance and confidence in myself to overcome obstacles and challenges I face everyday, and awareness of my health are just some of these examples. My disease has shaped me into the person I am today, and although it sometimes feels like knives poking out of my gut, on the days it doesn’t, I’m happy that my IBD has given me a platform and a place in a community with compassionate people going through the same things I am.

Inflammatory Bowel Disease and Disability: What does it mean for me?

By Erin Ard

disability

[dis - uh - bil - i - tee]

lack of adequate power, strength, or physical or mental ability; incapacity;

a physical or mental handicap, especially one that prevents a person from living a full, normal life or from holding a gainful job;

anything that disables or puts one at a disadvantage.

Who knew that having Crohn’s disease or Ulcerative Colitis is actually covered as a disability? I sure didn't, up until a few years ago. I ended up doing some research out of curiosity to understand the relationship between "having inflammatory bowel disease" and "having a disability." By 9pm last night, I was pretty deep in the literature and found myself on the Social Security website. Then I read impairments.. Digestive System… inflammatory bowel disease… Hey! That's me!

But what does it mean to have a disability, even an invisible one? Let me dip my foot into the controversial pool for a bit here. Even though it is covered under Federal law, in my opinion, thinking of yourself with a disability is somewhat subjective. This is easy for the girl in remission to say, I know, but hear me out. We determine these labels (intellectual disability, ADHD, cerebral palsy, IBD) to help programs or governmental funding sources know who to serve. But if you ask someone with an intellectual disability whether they feel disabled, what do you think they will tell you? I learned recently that the ever-evolving language around disabilities isn't the bees-knees in forwarding equity and understanding in this community. Many individuals just want to be called by their first name, not by a label, no matter how inclusive the language might become. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. *Takes foot out of controversial pool*

In this post I will investigate what it means to have a disability, what it means to have Crohn's disease or Ulcerative Colitis, and map out my road to understanding on how they overlap.

---

A basic definition of disability is "a physical, mental, cognitive, or developmental condition that impairs, interferes with, or limits a person's ability to engage in certain tasks or actions or participate in typical daily activities and interactions." Seemingly just big words, the coverage of this definition is forcibly broad and doesn't give much description of how it looks for someone with IBD. But, when you compare this definition to living with the symptoms of active IBD it starts to make sense. Coping with the symptoms of a flare-up can be extremely debilitating. It affects your body so harshly that it impairs your ability to perform basic daily functions, such as going to work, making dinner, picking up your child, or simply walking around your house.

Let's focus on IBD as a disability. Because Crohn's and Colitis are both oscillating diseases (meaning you can go from healthily in remission to active disease, and back again) this can get complicated. It's like saying you are a vegan one day and eating a cheeseburger the next. One day you have a label and the next you forget about it. In the context of IBD, you have a disability. And the next day you still have a disability but it doesn't disable you. Like I said, complicated.

Now you are probably thinking, "Alright Erin, I understand that IBD is a disability. What does this mean for me?" And I would counter with, "What do you want it to mean?" If you feel IBD is setting you back behind your peers, you should seek whatever help you need. There are a lot of programs established just for that reason! Do you need emotional support? Family counseling? Nutrition counseling? Long-term disability in the workplace? Whatever could be improved, reach out and find what works for your lifestyle. To illustrate, up until a few years ago, I realized that I couldn’t do it all by myself. It never occurred to me that reaching out for help was an option and I was being stubborn. I was so comfortable with where I was. All I needed to do was try a little harder… To my dismay, this strategy to face my own challenges didn’t work out so well. I still had trouble sitting through an exam and felt hopeless about my situation. It was this final breaking point that I saw the value of seeking outside help. I sought help from my school's disability resource center and was assigned an Access Consultant, who would back me up whenever I needed accommodations in the classroom. Even though my disease is in remission, there is always an unknown for what could happen, so I still use these accommodations as a resource.

It's still confusing because I definitely don't feel like I have a disability. This made me reluctant to seek help from the  disability resource center even though I knew I would have benefited. I felt dirty signing up for accommodations, like I was taking opportunity away from someone else, or that someone on the receiving end of my application would laugh and tell me to move on. And "I mean I don't really need them, do I? I can just figure it out on my own. It's no big deal.."

It is a big deal.

The word "disability" has it's place in the real-world, but it's ultimately up to you how to live by this label. Will it hold you back? Do you identify by it? Whatever the answer is, make it your own.

What do you think about the word disability? Or how has it’s classification as a disability shaped your ability to cope with the disease?

A Five Step Plan to Prepare for the Stress of School

By Erin Ard

August has always been my favorite month of the year. The word itself feels warm and seems so full of light. Summer is winding down, many of us have been able to do things we never have time for during the school year. We've been able to spend loads of time with friends or family, gone on vacation to somewhere new and exciting, explored some new DIY projects, or tackled a task from our ever stagnant To-Do list. We might even be exhausted from all the fun and relaxing times we've had that the thought of summer ending, is naturally bittersweet. August is our last month to ourselves. When August 31st comes around, classes are just around the corner. Now, I don’t mean to scare or worry you that you are running out of time. You still have plenty of time to relax and prepare. (But tick tock..)

This September will mark my own re-entrance to school after taking a year off. In May of last year, I graduated with my Bachelors and will be going back as a re-entry student to study DIETETICS! I am so excited you guys, you don't even know! Even though it's only been 15 months since I was in college, I feel like the mom who rediscovers herself and goes back to school after x number of years devoted to others. But this is MY time to shine! My heart is so full of excitement and intrigue for the new topics I'll be learning about and the career path I am headed towards. I have had 15 months to decompress from all those days spent studying, non-stop, on end and will be reattending with renewed energy and outlook. Because I know how stressful college life can be and the added stress of taking care of a chronic illness, I want to share some of my own insight on how to prepare for another school year.

After having a few rough semesters and thinking about this new year, I decided to do some research on how to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Many of the tips I found were in reference to another stressful life event, but they still hold potential for alleviating the stress experienced in school. Stress is stress, right? And when you have an inflammatory disease, a part of keeping your disease in check is taking the right precautions around stress management. So whether you are ready to get a move on or still trying to deny the fact that summer is ending, here is a five step plan to get you started.

---

Step 1

Use this last month of summer to really get to know yourself, on every level.

Try to understand how you deal with stress by thinking about your past. Think back to a time when you were dealing with a lot of stress, maybe even in the midst of a flare-up, and ask yourself: How do I tend to perceive about the situation? Do I react to the stress or work through it? Are my thought tendencies self-deprecating or more self-righteous and determined? How did I feel physically, emotionally, and mentally? What was I missing? What could I have done differently?

Try this writing exercise! Like you would write a story, write down what was happening during a time you were being pushed to your limits. Bullet-point every obstacle and bold everything you tried to overcome the situation, even the failed attempts. Then, like how a writer outlines a story-line, write out how you would resolve the story. Include who and what from your life you would need and when you would use them. Keep this as a guide or for inspiration!

Step 2

Plan ahead, for EVERYTHING and keep yourself accountable.

It can be helpful to set up a plan for yourself ahead of time. Whatever makes yourself more productive, make a promise to DO THOSE THINGS! Get tasks done early when you are feeling well and full of energy, so you can rest when you are not. Prioritize what is most important in your life. Stick to a routine or try new things. Think about how much you need to do to be successful and what kind of effort that will take. Then start to build up your plan around these thoughts. Being accountable for yourself and the work you must accomplish ahead of time will save you in the long run.

Try this writing exercise! Make a promise to yourself for the new school year. Write down a few things you want to strive for, big or small. Then display it somewhere you will see every now and then as a nice reminder. This will keep you centered and focused on what you want to achieve and how you will do it. Here are some examples: "I promise to make good decisions for my health and well-being. I promise to make my bed each morning. I promise to do what I can, when I can, and not judge myself when I cannot."

Step 3

Be the responsible person you and your body deserve!

Make responsible decisions when it comes to food choices, workload, and managing stress. A part of developing a successful plan is sticking to it! If you know about your own unhealthy habits that can impact your ability to manage stress, then take steps to reroute them. Start with replacing bad habits with positive ones.

Step 4

Have a de-stress plan when life starts to get tough.

By having something set in motion ahead of time, you can comfort yourself knowing you've prepared for this! So whip out your de-stress kit and get to it! Here are some ideas to get you started:

• If you feel yourself getting anxious, stop for a moment. Practice deep breathing and positive inward thoughts or commit some time to a guided meditation. You may feel more calm and refreshed afterwards.

• Set up a routine to decompress after a long week (take a warm bath with a glass of wine, settle in with your favorite book with a cup of delicious tea, or just take a nap - but use this last one sparingly)

• If you struggle with eating healthy, staying away from trigger foods, or staying on a grocery budget then try your hand at food prep. Taking your Sunday afternoon just for this task can be relaxing in itself and can yield some great benefits. Say goodbye to wondering what your next meal will be and ordering too much take-out!

• Write a letter to yourself to read when the going gets tough. I did this in the depths of a my lowest moment and it allowed me to pull myself out of an emotional rut to refocus on happiness and success.

Step 5

Pick yourself up when you fall.

If you fail, a normal part of life, then you will need to brush yourself off and try again. Don't blame yourself, don't blame your shortcomings on your Crohn's or Colitis, and don't project your failures onto the universe. These tendencies will only allow you to harbor negative feelings about yourself or your past. Practice accepting things as they are and moving on with a more determined attitude. Find out where you might have went wrong and correct any bad behaviors that may have caused you to fail. Are your Netflix binge habits infringing on your study time? I know mine have before. Learning is all about finding what works for you and readjusting. This includes finding what works well in your own study habits. Try out some new ones if the old ones get stale.

---

Whatever your plan ends up being, make sure that it is true to YOU! Incorporate everything you know can work and don't waste your time on what doesn't. I promise to

What strategies help YOU manage stress?

Bone Broth: Nature's Multivitamin

It seems that #guthealth has become popular in the wellness space over the past year or so. With more awareness of IBS, Leaky Gut, SIBO, and many other bacteria imbalances in the gut being displayed through the media, there has been an increase in remedies that are bound to “fix” all gut issues. I am an advocate for taking preventive, healing measures to get to the root cause and work towards better overall health - not necessarily relying only on medication. However, these so-called remedies are not a “cure-all.” While diet plays SUCH a significant role in gut health, but there are far too many factors that contribute to overall gut health that are often overlooked. In terms of IBD, chronic inflammation is exactly what it sounds like – chronic. Those who are facing this issue often try several things to help tame inflammation and improve their health, but there is not one “cure” that will work for everyone. Many things can trigger inflammation, and those are different for each person. Common examples include: food sensitivities / intolerance, stress, hormone imbalances, and mental strain. All of which can cause added irritation and stress to our system which results in inflammation and often the inability to turn off our “fight” mode.

While stress is a main component of a suppressed immune system there are plenty of other factors that influence the lining of the gut itself - factors such as prolonged exposure to antibiotics, inflammatory foods, toxins, etc. Eventually, if the impact of these factors pile up, the lining of the gut can suffer and result in permeability issues that may cause excessive inflammation due to malabsorption of food and minerals.

One thing I am currently working on in terms of my Crohn’s Disease is repairing the lining of the gut. Due to years of antibiotic treatment, inflammatory foods, and chronic stress, the lining of my gut has taken a toll and is not as impermeable as it should be. I am planning on writing a separate post about my current protocol, as well as the lifestyle changes I am implementing, but for now, I would like to talk about two things I have added into my routine and their role in digestive healing.

There is a chance that either in your research, scrolling through social media wellness accounts, or talking with your doctors, you have heard about bone broth. Many healing diets such as GAPS and the Specific Carbohydrate include this as part of the beginning protocol, and for a great reason! Nutrients and minerals in bone broth are essential to improve and heal the lining of the gut. These nutrients help decrease inflammation, balance good / bad bacteria ratios, and increase the immune response. Bone broth is nutrient-dense, easy to digest, rich in flavor and boosts healing within the entire body – what’s not to love!

What exactly is Bone broth?

You may think of broth that your mom used to have you sip when you were sick as a kid, typically what is used in homemade soups. However, bone broth is much different – it is nutrient-dense, thicker, and in my opinion, SO much better. Bone broth is the result of steeping the entire bone remains of the animal (beef, lamb, pork, chicken, etc.); including the bone, marrow, tendons, ligaments, etc. By including all of these components, the amount of nutrients found in this broth is significantly high compared to regular broths. Simmering using the “nose to tail” method of the animal protein source enables the bones and ligaments to release healing compounds like collagen, proline, glycine, and glutamine that are transformative for your health (1). Bone broths contain minerals and essential amino acids in forms that are easy for our body to absorb. Some of the minerals included are; calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, sulfate – all of which are often sold as pricey supplements and used to reduce inflammation, joint pain, and arthritis.

It is important to be mindful of the kind of bone broth you are consuming. Meaning, not all store-bought broth is created equal. If you’re not going to make your bone broth at home (from scratch), it is crucial to check the ingredients of what you are purchasing in the store! Like many other products, manufacturers like to sneak in monosodium glutamate (MSG), which is recognized as a meat flavor but is actually a neurotoxin – and as mentioned earlier, toxins affect the gut! When looking at the ingredients list, you should seek out whole, organic ingredients such as the bone broth (filtered water and animal bones), organic vegetables, and minimal spices. Try to stay away from added preservatives because to reap the full benefits of bone broth it is best to consume it in its most natural form – as our ancestors would have prepared it!

Overall, bone broth is a great place to find all of the valuable amino acids, collagen, gelatin, and trace minerals. There are dozens of different nutrients found within bone broth, many of which can’t be obtained easily from other commonly eaten foods! I am a firm believer in using food as medicine and consuming as much nutrient-dense food as possible. Broth is one of the easiest ways to check those nutrient boxes off without having to consume a massive pile of veggies in one sitting! By regularly drinking bone broth, or using it in recipes, you can promote healthy gut integrity while reducing inflammation and permeability. Now let’s dive into some other benefits from regularly consuming bone broth, shall we?

1. Protects Joints

I’ve already mentioned the anti-inflammatory properties that broth has due to the nutrients. But one of the BEST components found in this broth? Collagen. Bone broth is one of the world’s best sources of natural collagen – a protein found in vertebrae animals; in their bones, skin, cartilage, ligaments, tendons, and bone marrow. Collagen is very beneficial for the growth of hair, skin, nails, and bone health (2).

As we get older, our joints naturally experience depletion resulting in loss of flexibility. Supplementing with collagen matters because as we age, cartilage diminishes. As the broth simmers, animal parts release collagen and it becomes readily absorbable to help restore cartilage.

Another valuable component in the stock is gelatin. Gelatin acts like a soft cushion between bones that helps them move smoothly without friction. It provides the building blocks that are necessary to form and maintain strong bones. Significant amounts of both collagen and gelatin form and reform connective tissue to help take the pressure off of aging joints and supports healthy bone mineral density. It’s never too early to start taking preventive measures to make joint pain less problematic as you get older!

2. Boosts Detoxification

As I have previously mentioned, in our Western World, the average person is exposed to a variety of environmental toxins, pesticides, artificial ingredients and chemicals. The human body is amazing in terms of having its own means of detoxification from heaving metals and other toxins. However, it has a hard time keeping up when it is flooded with large amounts of chemicals. Much like if you were to procrastinate and become swamped with homework, you’re suddenly overwhelmed and may not perform your best on the task at hand. Bone broth is considered a powerful agent in detoxification because it helps the digestive system expel waste and promotes the liver’s ability to remove toxins. It also helps to maintain tissue integrity and improves the body’s use of antioxidants.

Stock contains potassium and glycine – both of which support cellular and liver detoxification. By supplying sulfur (especially with added vegetables, garlic, and herbs) and glutathione, an agent that lowers oxidative stress, detoxification is boosted. Glutathione helps with the elimination of fat-soluble compounds, especially heavy metals such as mercury and lead. It also aids in the use of antioxidants, the absorption of various nutrients, and with liver-cleansing functions! With the increased intake of essential minerals that bone broth stimulates, the minerals act to remove toxins by stopping heavy metals from attaching to mineral receptor sites. If they can’t bind, they can’t mess with our systems!

 3. Supports Immune System Function

I have briefly mentioned at various times the permeability of the gut lining, inflammation, and a suppressed immune system. All of which contribute to multiple issues with what would generally be a healthy inflammation response.

Leaky gut syndrome occurs when undigested particles from foods seep through tiny openings in the weakened intestinal lining and enter the bloodstream. The immune system detects these invaders and becomes hyperactive to regulate the body. The hyperactivity increases inflammation and leads to dysfunctions all over, not just in the gut where the primary issue lies. The immune system releases high levels of antibodies that cause an autoimmune–like response and begins to attack healthy tissue. Individuals that already have a compromised autoimmune system, such as IBD patients, may suffer considerably more damage from a response because the system believes the particles in the bloodstream to be much more of an invader than a conventional system may.

Bone broth is observed to be one of the most beneficial foods to consume to restore gut health and therefore support immune system function and healthy inflammatory response. Collagen, gelatin, and the amino acids proline, glutamine, and arginine help seal the openings in the lining and support what is known as “gut integrity” – the intactness of the lining of the intestine to maintain its structure and function.

The amino acids and anti-inflammatory benefits create a perfect atmosphere for powerful immune-boosting to occur!

4. Good for the Gut

Bone broth stock is easily digested and soothing to the digestive system, unlike many other foods, which can be challenging to break down. Those with food sensitivities and intolerance (such as wheat or dairy) already have a hard time consuming many foods that may be considered “inflammatory.” Therefore, it is essential to look after the integrity of the gut, so vital nutrients are absorbed to support other bodily functions and overall health. After all, food is only useful if we have the means of absorbing its nutrients.

Bone broth has also been found to help heal the lining of the gastrointestinal tract. Critical components for digestion support that are found in bone broth include - collagen (proline / glycine), gelatin, and glutamine. Although there are many other beneficial minerals contained, these are most helpful to many IBD patients that have difficulty successfully digesting and passing bowel movements.

A healthy digestive tract consists of a single, tight layer of epithelial cells, a thick mucus layer, and a diverse group of microbes (bacteria in the gut). Gelatin is a significant component when it comes to the lining of the digestive tract because it supports a healthy lining of mucus within the system. The water is absorbed within to help maintain the layer of mucus that blocks gut microbes from the intestinal barriers. By drawing fluid into the intestine, the motility of the gut is improved, and healthy bowel movements are supported.

Collagen is another important component because it contains two essential amino acids: proline and glycine. Proline is necessary for the formation of collagen, and glycine works to improve digestion by increasing gastric acid secretion. Studies are currently being conducted and have shown that individuals with IBD, mainly Crohn's, are more likely to suffer from low stomach acid (3). Because the proper pH of the stomach signals the continuum of the digestive cascade, many people with low stomach acid face difficulty processing meals efficiently.

Summary

I know that was a lot of information, some of which may not have processed the first time reading it through - but that’s perfectly okay! Luckily you don’t need to know the names of all the essential amino acids found in bone broth to reap the benefits. I included this information because I know when I am learning about a new “supplement” that can improve my health, I’d like to know exactly how it works and why it is good. Many others like me enjoy doing their research to learn more, but others enjoy knowing the benefits, plain and simple!

So, another run down. When taken consistently, bone broth is exceptionally nutritious and works diligently to repair multiple components of your digestive tract. In addition to this, benefits are often seen through support in joint and bone health, hair / skin / nails, and detoxification processes of other organs within the body. It truly is impressive how functional this food is - hence, the nickname “nature’s multivitamin!”

I highly recommend giving this a try, whether you buy it from the store or experiment with making your own. I believe it’s wonderful! I drink mine first thing every morning, and it’s become something I look forward to - some people drink coffee, I drink bone broth (with an added scoop of collagen)! I hope you found this article informative and it piqued your interest to try something new, or reintroduce something back into your routine!

Stay Lovely,

Erin

Advocating for Your Illness in the Workplace

A word with health advocate, Samantha Reid

The CCYAN fellows recently had a chat with IBD blogger and health advocate, Samantha Reid, to discuss her take on managing IBD in the workplace.

CCYAN Fellows Leah Clark, Erin Ard, and CCYAN founder,
Sneha Dave, video-chatting with Samantha Reid

In February of 2010, Reid received a surprise that she never anticipated for during her birthday celebration. Three days after she turned 18, she was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and began her adult life with questions, concerns, and ultimately, an ambition to help others with her disease.

Reid has had her fair share of experiences navigating her Crohn’s disease both in college and work. Majoring in english in college and working as a communications director at her previous job, Reid gained a solid foundation in writing, communication, and outreach. Now, her job allows her to focus on health and advocacy in the professional environment. Currently a digital director for the nonprofit organization, Patients for Affordable Drugs, she strives to change policy to lower the price of prescription drugs. Patients for Affordable Drugs is a patient organization, and Reid actually started there as a patient, so her peers understood her illness and created a safe environment for her to work in. Reid understands, however, how fortunate she is to be working in a flexible environment that meets her accommodations.

“I realize the fact that I’m even able to disclose my disability to my boss and coworkers is a privilege, and not everyone has that ability.”

Reid went on to encourage those with IBD to “play it by ear” and do what one feels comfortable with when discussing their health with their boss and coworkers. Disclosure can not only be an important step in establishing a safe work environment, but it can also be used as a learning opportunity for your peers. “It allows me to be more open and it allows my supervisors to be more open as well; it creates a space for dialogue,'“ Reid explains.

Along with being the digital director, Reid also has a successful blog, Sicker Than Your Average, that she frequently shares experiences with IBD on. She explains how her presence on social media has helped her with IBD advocacy with her work. “For all of my adult working life, most of my coworkers have known about my illness by default. Whether they know because they follow me on social media and see my advocacy work or they know because I’ve had to postpone a meeting because I was sick, most of them know.” Reid expressed how important communication upfront can be when tackling IBD at work. Giving your boss and coworkers a heads-up when sensing a flare or preparing for many doctors appointments can not only give you a sense of ease with planning, but also can inform your peers about the severity on an issue. With invisible illnesses, it can be hard to truly express how important your health is when others can’t see your pain.

“When it comes to asking for accommodations, communication is key. Any workplace that would be retaliatory about me needing accommodations is NOT somewhere I would want to work.”

Sometimes IBD can feel as though it is getting in the way of performing your best at work.
It’s important to remember to do what feels comfortable to you and prioritize your health.

Communication is not only good for planning for the future, but it is good for setting up workplace accommodations. Accommodations are there to alleviate any hardships put in place because of your illness. These can include having your office desk closer to a bathroom or having options to work from home. “In my current position, I have an agreement with my boss that I can work from home every Friday. Because of my Crohn’s, I struggle with extreme fatigue, so even having one day a week where I don’t have to get dressed up and commute saves so much in terms of my energy levels,” Reid explains. She said it makes an enormous difference to her, and she feels valued at a workplace that can accommodate to her needs.

One topic that Reid discussed when advocating for yourself in the workplace is the drive to, in a sense, redeem yourself to your coworkers when you are feeling healthy. It’s understandable to feel pressure at work to perform well, especially when you feel as though you are slacking because of your health. Missing work because of appointments, hospitalizations, and just sick days in general can cause one to feel inadequate in their job performance.

“For me, when I am feeling well, I probably overcompensate at work to prove myself. No one asks that of me, but I know it’s important to gain that goodwill while I can so that when I fall into a flare, people are more understanding.”

It’s important to realize that it is okay to take time for yourself to get better. For many IBD patients, health is a number one priority, and people will be understanding. Showing your boss and your coworkers, when you are healthy, that you can do your job right and well is completely fine.

With all the advice Samantha Reid gave the CCYAN Fellows, it’s clear that she is a remarkable IBD advocate and presence in the community. Her constant dedication to IBD awareness is shown through her work and her attitude towards life. Her insight on what to do and what not to do when it comes to advocating for your illness is the workplace comes from years of experience. Making efforts to communicate effectively with your boss and peers, setting up boundaries and accommodations to meet your health needs, and putting your health first when necessary are all great ways to help those with IBD navigate their work with ease. We at CCYAN hope those in need can use this advice and pursue their career goals without feeling held back by their diseases.

The CCYAN Fellows would once again like to thank Samantha Reid for taking the time to discuss this topic, and they look forward to seeing more of what she does in the future with health advocacy.

Samantha reid

Samantha Reid is an exceptional health advocate and role model in the IBD community. Her insight on advocating for yourself in the workplace not only those with IBD great advice, but also sheds light to important issues on workplace accommodations for all. For more information on Samantha Reid and places to connect with her, check out her social media and other platforms

Blog | Instagram | Twitter

Cooking with Crohn's - Gluten Free Strawberry Shortcake

With the summer heat, comes the summer treats! Watch this video of CCYAN Fellow, Leah, makes a delicious gluten free strawberry shortcake following the two recipes down below. It's important to stick to your own dietary needs to feel free to accommodate the recipe to your liking!

Recipe for Shortcake

• 1 1/2 cups gluten free all purpose flour

• 2 3/4 teaspoons baking powder

• 1/4 teaspoon salt

• 2 tablespoons sugar

• 3/4 cup heavy or whipping cream

• 1 large egg

Instructions

• Preheat the oven to 450°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and set it aside.

• Mix the flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar together in a large bowl.

• In a separate bowl, beat together the cream and egg. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and mix to form a cohesive dough.

• Scoop the dough in 1 1/2-ounce balls onto the baking sheet; use the palm of your hand to gently flatten each to about 2" to 2 1/2" diameter.

• Brush the tops of the shortcakes with cream, and sprinkle with coarse white sparkling sugar.

• Bake the shortcakes for 10 to 12 minutes, until they're risen and baked all the way through; break one open to make sure.

• Remove the shortcakes from the oven, split, and top with berries and whipped cream. Store, well-wrapped, at room temperature for several days; freeze for longer storage.

https://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/easy-gluten-free-shortcakes-recipe

Recipe for Whipped Topping

• 1 cup (8 fluid ounces) heavy whipping cream, chilled

• 1/2 cup (58 g) confectioners’ sugar

• 8 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature

• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

• 1/8 teaspoon kosher salt

Instructions

• Transfer 2 tablespoons of the cream to a small bowl and set it aside. In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment or a large bowl with a handheld mixer.

• Place the remaining cream and beat on medium-high speed until soft peaks form.

• Add the confectioners’ sugar, and continue to beat until stiff, glossy peaks form.

• Transfer the whipped cream to a separate, large bowl and place in the refrigerator to chill.

• In the same bowl, place the cream cheese, vanilla, salt and reserved 2 tablespoons cream.

• With the whisk attachment, whip the cream cheese mixture on medium-high speed until light and fluffy.

• Remove the whipped cream from the refrigerator and add half of the whipped cream mixture to the cream cheese mixture, and whisk to combine.

• Add the remaining whipped cream, and fold it into the filling carefully until combined.

https://glutenfreeonashoestring.com/gluten-free-fruit-pizza/

What to Know When You Care About Someone With Crohn’s Disease

By Erin Ard

Chronic illness can be easy to ignore if you aren't the one living with it, but when you start to see how it affects a person you care for, it can strike a cord in you too.

When you meet someone with a chronic illness, it's natural to be curious about their life. You may even feel compelled to a) make their day easier, b) ease their pain, c) see their worth, or d) just help them feel comfortable. And if you want to lift the weight of living with a disease, choose all of the above.

Having IBD myself, it is THE. MOST. AMAZING. feeling in the world having someone who wants to know more and take care of you. So I must commend you for making it as far as reading this post.. You are ONE of FEW who would stick around someone with such a debilitating disease!

This topic has been on my mind for a while now. And when I started writing, I noticed how challenging it was to explain how this disease can affect someone. Experience with IBD is so diverse and can change so fast! For instance, in this moment I would say, "You really don't need to worry about me!" Because in reality, my own Crohn's has been in remission for years with only a few minor complications and I've made big strides in accepting my disease. I can go without thinking about my Crohn’s most days, but that doesn't mean these feelings of security have always existed and won't change in the future. Maybe your person is in the same boat, still it is invaluable to know what could happen. Whether you are a friend, family member, or lover, I want to help you understand the fundamental struggles, how it can affect someone (mainly by using myself as an example), and what you can do.

The first thing to know is that every person with the disease is unique and handles it differently. Some people want to be taken care of, while others may hide their struggles from you; so it's kind of up to you to know your person - I'm sorry I don't have all the answers! Thought, I can promise that anyone with a chronic health issue does not want to be characterized by their disease nor feel like a burden. It poses a challenge to balance helping them feel better and making the disease a big deal. If they choose to let you into that part of your life, that's great! It is too easy to discredit the harm it can impose. My first piece of advice is to have an open mind. Even though you won't be able to fully understand how it affects their body, mind, and lifestyle after reading this; you can keep learning.

 Before I jump into the nitty gritty of it all, we should go back to basics. Whether you just met someone with IBD, have know about the disease for years, or have it yourself it can be helpful to know how the disease works. With Inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), our immune systems get a little confused and end up attacking the healthy tissues causing inflammation along our digestive tract. IBD is a blanket term for the two most common forms: Crohn's disease and Ulcerative colitis. There are many commonalities between individuals who live with IBD. The most common symptoms are abdominal pain, fatigue, fever, and the infamous diarrhea. IBD can be classified from mild to severe depending on symptoms, e.g. frequency of diarrhea, abdominal pain, fever, weight loss, anemia, bowel obstruction, and more! IBD itself does not limit your life expectancy, however, it can lead to some life-threatening complications. And symptoms can be kept under control with medication, thankfully, allowing people to live normal lives whilst their disease is in remission.

The day-by-day symptoms and risk for complication in combination can be very draining for someone, both physically and mentally. Not only are these symptoms tiresome in their own right, but can bring about mixed feelings - fear of flare-up recurrence or inability to find a bathroom, worry over not knowing what you can or can't eat, embarrassment of symptoms, and maybe denial of the pervasive hold it can take on your life. Even though my disease is in remission, it takes constant maintenance to feel in control of my body's health.

Much of my knowledge comes from learning about my own Crohn's symptoms and how it has impacted my day-to-day life. So I will try to describe what to look out for when caring for your person and their IBD.

---

It's a daily struggle.

IBD is a hidden illness, making it hard to understand what kind of struggles we endure because they can't be seen. If your loved one says they don't feel okay but look fine, trust them. They know their bodies better than anyone. I know for myself, every once in awhile I have shooting abdominal pains, discomfort from something I've eaten, unreliable energy levels due to fatigue, joint pain, sensitivity to temperature, and recurrent symptoms close to my Remicade infusions. Usually on bad days, I take it easy on food I prepare for myself and the activities I do.

Tip: Have patience and learn to enjoy a few more Netflix movie marathon nights than usual.

It's a love and hate relationship with food.

With Crohn's we have our own food triggers, which can be devastating to our digestive systems and send us running to the bathroom. Unfortunately for us, there is NO SINGLE ALL CURING DIET PLAN that can help us. We really just have to figure it out on our own since triggers differ from person to person. I get a lot of questions like, "Can you eat this?" "Or what can you eat?" and the answer isn't very simple. I can eat just about anything I want most days, but if I'm feeling off or it's getting close to my next infusion appointment - I take it easy on the hard to digest foods. I try to eat as healthy and balanced as I can while still getting the same sense of satisfactory indulgence as anyone else. For instance, I would love to eat an entire pan of brownies (and have gotten close a few times) but this would lead to me feeling like sh** the next day; as it would with anyone I feel. If you switch this desire I hold for brownies during a flare-up, it gets a bit more complicated and pretty much impossible. During a flare-up, however, my indulgences subside and I only crave foods that will sustain me without bringing about more harm.

Tip: Expect a mix of eating habits, since our health can change pretty fast. If they are on a strict diet plan, say gluten-free for someone with Celiac or gluten intolerance, get to know what they can and can't eat! It will be a whole lot easier for them if you have a good understanding and they can stop answering the "What can you eat?" question, at least coming from you :). A lot of people also take supplements to make up for the nutrients lost in their diet or from not being able to absorb an efficient amount through the gut. The biggest thing to understand, like with me, is that there are foods we just can’t eat AND there are foods, though you wouldn’t think so, we are still able to indulge in!

Flare-ups are hard to overcome.

When the disease is active, you'll see all of the main physical symptoms taking root. A flare-up can last several days to a few years and can limit our ability to perform daily activities; sometimes even landing people in the hospital. During my own flare-ups, my limitations were somewhat subtle. I was still able to attend school and join sports, but my performance level was not where it could have been (this became clear once I achieved remission). After school I would too often fall onto the couch, exhausted from the day. I didn't have a solid bowel movement for months. I would give up and have emotional break downs in the bathroom. I became afraid of food because my body couldn't digest it properly anymore. I missed a lot of school, plans with friends, and family get-togethers. What I did attend, I would be withdrawn, wanting to lay down or be at home. Flare-ups are very socially isolating and can force us to miss out on a lot of what makes life fun :(

Tip: Be your own person and don't feel like you need to spend every occasion we miss out on with us, because we don't want you to miss out either! If your person is not feeling 100% and tries to dip out on plans, be heartfelt and ask, "Are you sure? What is making you not want to go?" Reassure us that not every day will be a bad one. Sometimes we have to stick it out to reach the good moments. In time, when we are healthy again, we will be able to push through what limits us. And help us see the value of little things, even if it's just an evening of Cards Against Humanity  or binging The Office.

We have some tricky immune systems.

Many of us take medication to suppress our immune systems to fight inflammation. Some people may get sick more or less often, depending on their medication. When I first started Remicade, it was rare to find me sick with the common cold. However, since my dosage was increased I seem to get sick more often and have a harder time fighting the sickness off. *Insert disappointed emoji *

Tip: Help us take precautions when going out - use hand sanitizer, disinfect grocery carts, and mind your sneezes. Especially during cold and flu season! Maybe consider bringing over a box of tissues and some chicken noodle soup when these efforts fail :)

Everyone has their own self-esteem issues and insecurities.

IBD makes us feel a loss of control over our bodies (quite literally sometimes) and can indirectly cause visible changes (e.g. weight fluctuations, inflammation of the skin or eyes, mouth sores, etc.). Complications with IBD may involve j-pouch construction surgery - a major cosmetic change with added stress over maintenance and potential leakage - or bowel resections and scarring. This can also extend to social interactions, like when we have to explain why we can't eat certain foods, obsess over the details with travel plans, or being conscious of our frequent bathroom visits.

Tip: Depending on the person, procedures causing cosmetic changes may not sit very well. All that we ask is you be open and accepting of every scar or medical device. Each one tells a story of our struggles and what we had to face to find strength again.

IBD has it's own added mental health challenges.

People with IBD are at higher risk of having anxiety or depression. It is all too easy to get down on yourself when you deal with constant set-backs. With IBD, a lot of the symptoms happen behind closed doors.. Usually bathroom doors. Or in the scope of mental health, you can envision the mental wall that keeps others from seeing your thoughts, feelings, and worries.

Tip: I implore you to keep an open mind. We might need a little extra encouragement when it comes to self-worth, seeing the positive, and enjoying life when our IBD gets in the way.

---

Being available and accepting of what we deal with can make such a difference to us. Like I said before, IBD can be socially isolating and I hope this post has helped you to understand why that is. I also want to say that people with Crohn’s or Ulcerative Colitis are the strongest, most ambitious people I know. They deal with keeping their health in check while juggling school, work, friends and family, their goals, AND everything else!

Your person may or may not deal with what I've laid out. Honestly, there is way more that could be discussed on "taking care of someone with Crohn’s" than what I know. Getting to know your person with their Crohn’s lifestyle will have a learning curve. It’s going to take some time and a considerable amount of observational skills to become an expert and if you aren't sure, ask! Just know that you can't do everything for us. You can't take all the pain away or make us healthy. What you can do is keep an open and accepting mind around our abilities. Be patient with our limitations. Help us feel comfortable and emotionally supported when we miss out. And get to know our many qualities in addition to being fighters. To go even further, I respect someone willing to challenge me when I hesitate on getting out of my comfort zone.

Finally, remember to take care of yourself too. Not only can the symptoms be draining on the person with Crohn’s, but seeing your loved one endure such bodily torment could drain you as well. Take time to rest, focus on the good, and keep fighting for your person!

What advice would you give to your loved ones?

An Invisible Illness is Still an Illness

By Erin Dunne

Images from the "Suffering the Silence" web campaign that allowed people to publicly share their experience with chronic illness.

When I was younger, one summer my family was visiting my grandparent's lake house in Indiana. The water was low enough my cousins and I were able to walk out to the anchored raft off the edge of the deck without much swimming or with a life vest. On the way back to the deck I felt a sharp pain in my right foot and felt a piercing sensation with every step I took. My grandmother sat me on the deck to find I had stepped on a large shard of a broken bottle and it was lodged in the center of my foot. I remember bawling from the pain as she attempted to take the shard from my foot but after it was out, I only had a small bruise and a scar. The discomfort I felt in this moment was easily seen by my family members because of my expressions and they could physically see what was causing the pain- but it isn't always this easy with an invisible illness. For many people, without physically seeing the direct source of the pain, it is hard to believe that there is any pain at all. Not seeing the discomfort of an individual doesn't mean that they are not sick. It is not seen by the naked eye, so it is easy to assume that a person is healthy or "normal" when in reality, a person could be having a really bad flare day but "they look fine." Something can be seriously wrong inside of you that only you can feel.

“Just because you cannot see the pain another person is dealing with doesn't make it any less real.”

An Invisible Illness is a chronic condition that is not visible to an onlooker. Examples of invisible illnesses include: Digestive disorders, heart conditions, diabetes, lyme disease, mental illness, etc. The symptoms that are often associated with these illnesses can hinder ones ability to enjoy life and be involved in everyday activities they love- which can be very frustrating. Adjustments are often made to meet the needs of their new, often lower, energy levels and limited ability to move. While medication and treatment plans can help greatly with the physical symptoms, the mental game that can occur due to encounters with others, insecurities, and fighting one's own thoughts can contribute to the pain an individual is already in.

There are times where one may be interacting with others and it seems as though they are witnessing insensitive encounters and whispers from those around them. Comments are often made as to why they are often absent to class, work, and social events. Even comments on ones mood- why they are short tempered, withdrawn, or why they lay around so often (maybe even being referred to as lazy). "Laziness" to an invisible illness sufferer can be just as important as any medication or treatment they are taking to help their symptoms because it is helping their body recover from the havoc that is wreaking within. When explaining how they are feeling to others, it is common to be countered with the comment "but you look so good." Further fueling the idea that capability is based on the way a person looks. All of these small contributions can lead the individual with the illness to question themselves and often look down on their recovery. There have been times I have felt bad for having to cancel plans for being sick- I feel as though I let others down, or I have gotten mad at myself for not being well enough to go about daily activities. There are times I compare myself to others that are in good health and think of when I was able to do similar things but I become upset with the fact that I am unable to do those things currently. While it is easy to automatically go to these negative places, they truly don't help with recovery so what is the point? Focusing on so and so's good health won't make my symptoms any better so why am I wasting my energy on being jealous? It is best to focus on yourself and your needs in the current moment.

These illnesses can only be experienced and felt by the individual that has them- we can try to describe our discomfort to others but it is hardly ever satisfactory. Each day can look different for various people because each person has different degrees of productivity that is possible for them. For me, on a good day I am refreshed from a good nights sleep, am able to eat at every meal and even snack in between, get some form of exercise, and have concentration throughout the day that allows me to get tasks like errands and homework done. Other days I may only be able to do a fraction of these things and witness extreme brain fog that makes concentration close to impossible. There are times where I have multiple productive days in a row or I have low energy days that I often become frustrated with. One of the biggest lessons that I have learned through the years is to give myself grace on the days that I may not be able to get done what I had originally planned.

As I have mentioned before, I am a big advocate of listening to our bodies- it knows much quicker then us if it has been overworked and needs to recover. Giving yourself grace and being kind to your body is key with any invisible illness because we too cannot see what is physically causing us pain. Sometimes we do not even know of what event or substance caused the discomfort but we experience it. If you had things planned for the day and you wake up and don't feel as though you can complete everything, that is OKAY! Do what you think you can handle and be easy on yourself. Move as much as you can throughout the day, be gentle on your gut and nourish your body with foods that you know work best for you, and do something that makes you happy! You know yourself and your healing abilities better than anyone else so you must do what you can to honor your body in times where it may need more attention. It's okay if others do not completely understand or are able to empathize to the degree you wish they could, but it is important that they are as understanding and supportive as they can be. Although it may feel like it at times, there are others in similar situations that understand the isolation that comes with invisible illnesses. It is important to acknowledge that you are never alone in your journey, even in moments where it seems as though you are.

---

People could say to those without invisible illnesses that they are lucky they don't have to deal with a disorder. And while I would never wish an illness on anybody, I don't necessarily agree that I am less lucky I have to live with an invisible illness. Are there some days I wish I had never been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease? Absolutely- but those are typically the days that I have become so fixed on the negative that I forget to acknowledge the positives that have come out of my diagnosis. There is always room for growth and I believe that having Crohn's has allowed me to grow remarkably into a person that empathizes for others, I wish to care for and help others because I understand the pain and loneliness that can be felt amidst illness, and I have been able to be a part of a wonderful IBD community. On a more personal level, I have found a love for cooking as I have had to alter my diet to fit my bodies needs, I am more in tune with my body and mind, I understand how to handle low energy/ mentally challenging days, and I give myself grace more than ever before. Yes there are times where it is very hard to handle the insecurity that others don't understand and may judge because they may think I am lying about my pain, but I know myself more than anyone and if I feel the pain, I know it is real- I don't need to validate that to anyone else.

There are many highs and lows of having an invisible illness but I think it is very important to try to find as many highs as possible to make the lows not seem as bad, but also to learn how to handle the low moments better. Life is happening for us, not to us and looking at these illnesses as opportunities for growth can help our perspective towards them remain as positive as possible.

Stay Lovely,

Erin D.

Supporting our Mental Health: Moving past or accepting your negative unconscious thoughts

By Erin Ard

Happy #MentalHealthAwareness month! AND #CeliacAwareness month! And hey, if you're into it.. #InternationalMasturbation month too!

The month of May is known for quite a few awareness and observance campaigns. Interestingly enough, the main topic I want to address in this post loosely relates to each of these. #NUTS! In mental health, this can refer to your negative unconscious thoughts. For Celiac disease, these can be a great source of protein on a gluten-free diet. And well.. you get it.. But I mainly want to address mental health when you are living with #IBD.

There is evidence that #depression and #anxiety are more common in individuals with IBD compared to the general population. Which makes absolute sense when you think about what we deal with on a daily basis and during a flare. Mental health really becomes a topic of discussion when you put the stress of school into the mix.

I can remember an incredibly stressful time during my semesters as an undergrad. I was juggling 5 paper deadlines within the same week with exams looming in the weeks to follow. I ended up having to sacrifice my social life, sleep, and taking time to care for my body. Not having any time to properly focus on my health added to the stress. It felt like I was failing at life because I didn't have time for myself or my friends and family. Fortunately I made it through this time despite needing to make these sacrifices, but after it was all over I made my health a priority.

During these times, it's easy to fall into bad thinking habits. Our negative thinking habits are hard to shake. A lot of times we don't notice them. These gloomy, self-deprecating thoughts can feel so natural to our personalities or our every day thought processes, but they don't need to be. Thankfully, you can retrain your brain to respond differently when these thoughts pop up and here is one strategy how. Say it with me!

"Awwww NUTS!"

This is a common saying for me that is usually followed by a lot of giggling.. But this word found a whole new meaning when I learned about the concept of NUTs as it pertains to mental health and #mindfulness. When I discovered this lesson, I thought it was so enlightening that I had to share it with all of you!

If you have ever felt held back by your own thoughts, tendencies, or fears. This is for you.

NUTs appear in our unconscious and tend to affect how we think and act throughout the day. They can impact how we view ourselves and our ability to face adverse situations.

These are incredibly personal and can look different to each person. As individuals with IBD, we probably share a few common negative thoughts. It may sound like, "I can't live my life how I want because of this disease." " I won't get through another flare up." "I will never live normally again." or "I hold my friends or partner back."

The gist of the practice is to name these thoughts and evaluate them. Here are my top five negative thoughts (some of which, you might have too) and what happened when I brought them to the front of my consciousness..

1. "I am going nowhere."

2. "My anxiety keeps me from achieving my goals, meeting new people, and finding love."

3. "I am unable to connect with others."

4. "No one is interested in what I have to say, so I won't say anything."

5. "I won't be successful because of my Crohn's."

Saying mine out loud was oddly therapeutic, almost satisfying. Even now, when I read them over the more silly they seem. When I formed that first NUT, the rest poured out in a rush. More and more came to the forefront because so many of these had been piling up over the years. Rather than acknowledging them, I would shove them aside. I tried to ignore them - like if I forgot about them, they wouldn't be true. I ended up delaying my chance for peace of mind.

If I had given them some thought as they arose, I would have realized how much unnecessary power they had. They secretly dominated my mind for several years. How I acted in social situations, dealt with difficult circumstances, coped with certain physical limitations, or processed the aftermath of some high emotional states. It was easy to find myself down a rabbit hole in my unconscious surrounded by debilitating negativity. Because of this exercise, I'll be able to find a way out now.

I can't say that I've completely moved past these negative thoughts, however. Honestly, some of them still give me a pang of discomfort because they were so deeply rooted in my unconscious mind. You might find that some of your NUTs hold a bit of truth to them, but that is still okay. Even if you do find one to be true, can you accept that?

I highly recommend trying this out for yourself! What thoughts could be holding you back or keeping you from seeing your potential? Name the first things to come to your mind and ask yourself, are these true? Do they have to be true? How do they make me feel? And then ask yourself, what would my life look like if I no longer had these thoughts? Be sure to open yourself up to whatever happens in this exercise.

With love,

Erin

A special thank you to the Mindful Leadership Program and Elisha Goldstein for teaching this concept to help others.