By Samantha Rzany
Living with diagnosed ulcerative colitis for about a year and a half now, I am realizing that I have learned quite a bit from this journey. While I often wish I did not have UC, I am grateful for the opportunities and growth it has provided for me. I do not believe that I would be who I am today without having to go through the struggles that stem from being chronically ill as a young adult.
Your health is one of the most important things in your life.
It is more important than grades, or accolades, or how many social outings you can go to each week. As a perfectionist who constantly strived to push myself to do my absolute best and be my absolute best, the concept of all of those things taking a back seat to health was really difficult for me. But when you are at your sickest – in pain and in and out of doctor’s offices and hospitals, you quickly learn to appreciate the days and weeks when you are healthy. And working to maintain that health becomes a higher priority. For me, I had to realize that other things were less important than feeling physically and mentally good.
Don’t push yourself.
Your body is already working double to do the everyday things that healthy individuals take for granted. Your body fights so hard to just get up and do normal day-to-day things. It has to work so much harder than a “normal” body to do “normal” activities. Oftentimes, you will feel fatigued after simple tasks. You might not be up for things that your friends are capable of. You might know you can’t eat certain things at places your friends may want to go. And it is hard to not want to push yourself to do these things in order to keep up. But you don’t have to push yourself. You don’t have to convince yourself you may be fine if you try this, even though the past 10 times you weren’t. Which brings us to the next lesson…
Learn how to say no.
There will be times you can’t eat certain things or can’t do certain things. And that is perfectly okay. Good friends and family will understand that and not treat you any differently. But sacrificing yourself to please others is never necessary. You’ll have days when you are too tired or too sick to do certain things. And that is perfectly okay!! Certain friends or family members of yours might not understand. They might not accommodate you or the things you may need. But the people who love you and are kind and understanding will work to accommodate you however you need. They won’t be offended when you have to say no to things. Some might even try to find other activities or restaurants that you are up for! These are the people you want to keep around. But there is no shame in having to say no to people or activities. Saying no means you have enough self awareness and understanding to know what you can handle.
Know your limits.
You have to learn what you can and can’t do – both when you’re flaring and when you’re in remission. Know what you can eat, how often you can go out, and how much you can do every day. You will have your limits. And those may change every week or every few days. They certainly will change between when you’re healthy and when you’re sick. And it’s important to work to keep track of what those limits are. It may mean only going out once or twice a week and getting together with friends/family at your place other days. It may mean not being able to go to certain restaurants when you’re flaring because you can’t eat anything there. It might mean feeling up to go out and being an hour into it and feeling too tired or sick to keep going. All of that is perfectly fine! You just have to know what your body is capable of and not compare that to anyone else.
And most importantly…
Give yourself grace.
There will be days you’ll get frustrated. You’ll be sad and angry. You’ll be hurt by how people respond and sometimes you might just want to feel normal again. But you have to learn how to give yourself grace. Your body is capable. Even when you were at your sickest, you made it through. You are strong and brave. And you need to give yourself grace. When you have to say no to things or aren’t feeling up too what you used to be able to do, you have to give yourself some grace. Comparing yourself to others your age will never be beneficial. Instead, remind yourself of how strong you are and how much you have overcome. Allow yourself to put yourself first sometimes and make your health a priority.