By: Maalvika Bhuvansunder
World mental health day was marked on the 10th of October. In today’s world, there is a lot more awareness and acceptance regarding mental health concerns. However, not much is spoken about the relationship between having a physical illness and its impact on one’s mental health, or vice versa. I have always been very vocal about accepting and understanding mental illness and aim to be an advocate for those going through it. Being a student of psychology and hopefully a future psychologist, I felt it was my duty to contribute to destigmatizing mental illness. What I never expected was that I would have to be my advocate as well!
2017 was a very difficult year for me, there were a lot of new changes happening, from getting my diagnosis, to learning how to cope with it. My mental health was getting affected since then itself, but I was unable to recognize those signs. During my non-flare-up days, I’d still not be calm, because subconsciously I was always expecting a relapse or something to go bad. I would constantly overthink and worry, which was very unlikely of me. I started finding comfort in anger. Since I had no control over what was happening to me, Anger was the emotion I would always resort to because being happy caused me a lot of anxiety. Whenever there was a situation that went well and made me feel happy, after a few minutes I would be filled with the dread of something going wrong. I could never make impromptu plans, and any change in routine would get me to spiral into a state of anxiety.
“Since I had no control over what was happening to me, anger was the emotion I would always resort to because being happy caused me a lot of anxiety. ”
Starting to notice that these emotions and feelings were not just stress, I did my research. I realised what I was experiencing could be Health Related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (Health- PTSD). It is commonly seen in individuals who are going through a lifelong illness (1). This was surprising to me, as being from the mental health field, I assumed PTSD only relates to extreme trauma in life, not realizing in a way, having Crohn's was my trauma. I was experiencing the anxiety of the surgery and reports indicating a relapse, the depression of the flare-ups, the grief of losing myself, and the fear of being hospitalised. I was experiencing this more once I reached remission, which made sense as I was experiencing it post-trauma. The trauma of the pain, of not being able to eat what I love, hating the way I looked, having zero social life, and many others. We do not realise how much an illness can impact you overall. Crohn's is more than just a physical illness.
My experience made me realise how important it is to advocate for this. I took the step of seeking help and was lucky to understand the signs, albeit a bit later. However, not everybody can recognize these signs, especially as there is not much awareness about the coexisting relationship between physical and mental health. PTSD is not just limited to the most spoken-about traumas. Trauma is trauma, the magnitude of it should not be a determining factor. It is okay to ask for help and seek help. We are always going to hear comments like, “you are depressed because of this?” or “people have it worse”, but don't let that stop you from seeking help. Only we know what we are going through and have to be our advocates!
(1) Pietrzak, R. H., Goldstein, R. B., Southwick, S. M., & Grant, B. F. (2012). Physical health conditions associated with posttraumatic stress disorder in U.S. older adults: results from wave 2 of the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. Journal of the American Geriatrics Society,60(2), 296–303. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1532-5415.2011.03788.x